Ode to a boob

Ah, the female breast. One of my favorite creations. Call them boobs, tits, melons, fun bags, whatever... I'm a fan.

They are fun to hold, fun to squeeze. Fun to look at, fun to lick. Put simply, the breast is the best.

Tonight, I'm thinking about DC's boob. As much as I enjoy thinking about mammaries, I wish I didn't have her's on my mind. Not that she doesn't have nice ones. In fact, they're pretty perky at 42. Not bad at all.

No, the reason I wish I wasn't thinking about her tit is because she's having a needle biopsy tomorrow. Her doctor found a spot during her last mammogram. That ugly C world looms it's head, and I'm not talking about "cunt." Cancer.

Of course, at this point, nothing is certain. It could be nothing, it could be benign. But the time that passes between something being noticed or brought to your attention and the getting a diagnosis is nerve wracking. Scary. Especially when you're talking about cancer.

Being such a big fan of the breast, the idea of breast cancer is particularly disturbing to me. I can't imagine what that must be like. Yes, a woman is more than the sum of her body parts. It would be wrong, though, to ignore the importance, symbolic and otherwise, of the breast. Men don't really have a comparable situation. Sure, prostate cancer is the big concern for men. Testicular cancer is pretty scary as well. Those are both internal problems though. Neither the prostate or the nuts have the external profile that the breast does.

Not to mention, the idea of any part of your body turning on you kind of freaks me out.

Anyway, enough. My point here being I'm thinking about DC's titty, and hoping all is well with it. It's a good breast, a fine breast. As previously stated, it's damn good looking for it's age. I sincerly hope all is well with it. All is healthy with it.

Be good, boob. Stay healthy.

I should add my thoughts are with DC as well. I'm not a praying man, but occasionally I do have a one sided conversation with g-o-d when I'm on the porch having a smoke. So tonight we'll discuss boobies and friends. I'll be asking that He take a little time to look down on my lunch buddy and make sure she's OK.

Lastly, let me say it now so it doesn't become an issue later. I'm not wearing the ribbon.

RIP Chef?

Wow. What an episode. I laughed, I cried, I spit beer in my wife's face.

I can't get on the South Park Studios site right now, so I can't confirm if it's all true or just a big farce. Either way, it was a brilliant episode.

"Super Adventure Club." I love it.

Now I am the master

TKJr is officialy obsessed. We watched ANH, let's see... 6 times this weekend. He's already started memorizing lines.

While playing with a 3P0 figure "Oh look, a transport. Over here! Over here!"

That's my favorite so far. I bought him the Vader voice changer helmet today. Also got him a new pair of R2 sneakers, as he outgrew his other ones.

I think I've created a monster. Or at the very least, a mini me.

Other weekend highlights: Went rug shopping on Saturday. Didn't buy, just looked. Lowe's seems to be the best price.
Laundry today. Not too crowded. That was nice. Planning on hitting IKEA next weekend for a new couch and some furniture for Jr.
Bed soon, work tomorrow.

Pogue Mahone, y'all.

Yup, kiss my ass. Seriously.

Oh, and happy wearing of the green to all the Irish out there. I'll be sucking down a pint or two of stout in your honor.

Pogue Mahone, y'all.

That's right. Happy wearing of the green.

And kiss my ass. Seriously.

Sympathetic Syncope?

Strange day today.

I'm on my second day of not smoking. I had 2 butts total today. One this morning around 10 and the other around 2:45 in the afternoon.

This afternoon, prior to having a smoke, I was in one of the clinical managers' office having a discussion. Suddenly I felt kind of dizzy. Weird, but since I was talking to a soul sucker, I figured it was just the draining effect of her personality working on me.

Well, some time went by, and as I sat quietly at my desk I kept having dizzy spells. Mind you, I was seated and resting. So, I decided to have someone take my blood pressure.

First reading : 122/90. Not good. Hypertensive. I was a tad concerned. Mostly because it was late afternoon, so the Adderol was wearing off, I hadn't had a coffee since lunch, and I wasn't smoking. Those were all the things I could think of that tend to raise your blood pressure.

The girl that gave me the reading suggested I get another one before leaving work. She was concerned about me driving home. I didn't think the situation was that bad, but hey... she's a nurse, I'm not.

Anyway, I sat down with her as I was leaving. This time: 140/90. She was upset. Made me promise to call her when I got home.

I got to the car, called my wife. Typical KG, she was an asshole about it.

Me: Had a bit of a scare just now. Got my bp read, I'm hypertensive.
KG: Why did you get your blood pressure read?
Me: I was having dizzy spells! Besides, I'm supposed to monitor it.
KG: That's great. I have high blood pressure, and now you do too. You should rest. I'll take care of everything tonight...
Me: bye.

I hung up on her. She's 8 months pregnant, so i can't bitch too much. But... did it ever cross her mind that maybe the fact that her bp is high and she might be confined to bed rest for the remainder of her term MIGHT HAVE A NEGATIVE EFFECT ON MY STRESS LEVEL??? Hey, she's carrying a baby, and fucked up shit happens to your body. High blood pressure is a normal potential risk. Me, I'm 33 and a male. High blood pressure like that is unusual and potentially serious. On top of it all, I wasn't really that woried about it. I was just calling to share the information and have a chuckle over how worried the ladies I work with get about such things.

Some days, I really wish I was fucking gay. At least I'd ne able to understand the people I'm attracted to.

Breaking up is hard to do

You've been my constant companion for 14 years now.

Right there with me through every shitstorm and every sunny day. You sustained me, inspired me, distracted me and detracted from me.

Yes. For all you've given, you have also taken. Taken years off my life. Taken money from my pocket. Stolen hours from my family and friends.

511,000 minutes, give or take. Stolen time I will never get back. The toll you have had on my life, that remains to be seen.

But I love you none the less. I am devoted to you. I am still seduced by you. I am addicted to you.

Now I need what you take from me. I don't have it to offer anymore, as I owe it to others. I need to be here with them, not with you.

Today I erased your memory from my car. The place we have spent so many hours. Alone with our music and our thoughts.

Tonight we dance one last time. Tomorrow, I remove you from my life. I remove you from my person. I cleanse your presence from me.

But I will not escape your grasp. I love you still. So much. I will long for you. I will ache for you. Because I am weak.

However, I will resist, for I need to be strong. My son, he believes me to be strong. To be right. To be in control. For him I must be.

I'll always love you. I'll always want you. I know you will always be waiting, arms open, to take me back.

Good-bye, nicotine. Please understand. It's not you. It's me.

I'll call you sometime.

People fucking stuffed animals

A rough week at work came to an end today, finding me sitting at my desk, bored and banging around the net. I actually have tons of work I have to do, but it has to wait until Monday so we can close out last month with no errors.

We got bonuses at work today. That was a nice treat. Almost an extra paycheck. I think I might be spending mine on a new sofa.

KG had a check up at the OB today. Good news: The doctor is pretty sure the baby has flipped and is no longer in the breech position.

Bad news: KG was slightly hypertensive and is being tested for preeclampsia. From what we've read this evening, most likely she doesn't have it, as she's not in any of the high risk groups. Plus, it seems like worst case scenario she'd be ordered to bed rest for the rest of her pregnancy. That, however, poses a big finanical problem.

She has a follow up with the OB tomorrow, so we're both keeping our fingers crossed until then.

On a lighter note, I lifted this link because, well... who doesn't enjoy watching animated boobies jiggle?

meme!

Because I'm bored and it's too late to start anything else:

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
Thomas' Railway Word Book "Heat from the firebox turns water into steam."

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch?
I just cracked my hand into the wall.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Thomas the Tank Engine

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:
11:15

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
11:05

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The humidifier in my kids room (on the monitor) and the furnace. And my wife watching The Ben Stiller Show in the bedroom.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
8:30, for a smoke.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
ella's latest entry.

9. What are you wearing?
This:
Black sweatpants, a maroon long sleeve T and a gray T that says "WXLZ", black Nikes. I was painting today, OK?

10. Did you dream last night?
I dreamed I was sleeping.

11. When did you last laugh?
A few hours ago when I put my son to bed.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Pictures of my kid, pictures of my wife as a kid, a glamour shot potrait of me in my stormtrooper armor, a framed print of some cat painting.

13. Seen anything weird lately?
My sister stopped by for a visit.

14. What do you think of this quiz?
It's entertaining me.

15. What is the last film you saw?
Some Aussie flick that was on IFC late last night.

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
A really big house, and some biker scout armor.

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know.
I have a tattoo of Kokopelli on my left arm.

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I'd kill my upstairs neighbors. Petty, but true.

19. Do you like to dance?
Depends on the amount of alcohol.

20. George Bush:
Fucking twit.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Nicola.

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
He is.

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
New Zealand, in a heartbeat.

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
Umm, sorry about that.

25. 4 people who must also do this meme in THEIR journal:
Well, I stole this. So, if you've just read it, you'd better do it too.

Fuck the police

I live on a quiet side street. It's right off of one of the main roads here in good old Weymouth. Every day I drive to the bottom of the street and take a right. I'm pretty familiar with the intersection, and I can safely judge how fast approaching traffic is going and whether or not I have the space and time to pull out.

Yesterday morning I approached the intersection, and looked to the left to see if anyone was coming. About a block away was a cop car. I had plenty of time to pull out, and I did.

Within a few minutes, I realized the cop was riding my rear bumper. I took my usual left, the cop followed. I drove another quarter mile with him on my ass. Then the lights statred flashing.

I pulled over wondering what the hell I might have done. The cop got out and walked up to me.

Cop: When you pull out of my street and you see me coming, what do you do?

Me: Um, I guess I should stop?

Cop: You can't just come tearing out of that street. Do you live on that street?

Me: Yes.

Cop: Well watch it next time.

Me: Yes, sir. I eyeballed you coming, and I felt I had plenty of time.

Cop: Well, don't do it again.

I was a little pissed, but I'm smart enough not to push it with the fuzz. First off, I didn't "tear" out. I stopped, looked, turned. The only way he could have come up on me so fast was if he was driving in excess of the 30 mph speed limit.

He didn't give me a ticket, so I was glad of that. Not that I did anything to merit one. I'm guessing he might live on my street. If so, he's probably aware of how fast people bomb up and down it. On any given morning I flip someone the bird as my wife attempts to pull out and they come flying by. But me, I was not speeding.

I put it out of my mind. Then, this morning as I'm standing beside my wife's car, we both notice an unmarked patrol car drive by and park 2 houses up. We exchanged raised eyebrows. She got in her car, I waved good bye to her and my son and she drove off. I noticed the cruiser turn around and park on the opposite side of the street 2 houses up. facing the same direction I would be driving.

I got in my car and backed out. I drove down to the intersection. I had to stop and wait as there were cars in front of me. I pulled into the corner qwiki mart and bought a pack of smokes. Came out, got in my car, took the same left I did yesterday. I look in my rear view, there's the frigging cruiser, right behind me. The son of a bitch followed me all the way to the highway. It was the same cop from yesterday.

Fucking A. This guy now has a bug up his ass over me. And I did not do ANYTHING wrong. I didn't give him any shit. I'll tell you this much, if he decides to follow me tomorrow, I'm either going to pull over and have words with him, or I'm calling the station and making a complaint about harrasment.

A Volcano, for Christ sake!

OK, maybe it's a tad pointless to rant about something that happened 26 years ago. Be that as it may...
I'm watching (or more accurately just finished watching) Seconds from Disaster. Tonight's episode is about the eruption of Mt Saint Helens in 1980. One of the survivors is some guy who was camping with his friend not too far from, um... an active volcano.
So, the volcano erupted, he got horribly burned but managed to survive. Lucky bastard. 57 other people weren't so lucky.
Anyway, it's 26 years later. The narrator is talking about the science that goes into predicting volcanic eruptions. There's a lot of information here I don't feel like going into.
The point I'm getting at is this guy that survived, he's actually pissed off that the scientists at the time didn't do a better job of predicting how the mountain would explode, and as a result didn't properly warn him.
Some one correct me if I'm wrong, but the friggin thing didn't just up and explode out of nowhere.

Listen pal, you were camping in the vicinity of an active volcano. V-O-L-C-A-N-O. Mountain full of fire and smoke. People knew it was going to go off. You were stupid enough to put yourself in harm's way. You survived. Fucking get over it.

That's all. Now the same show is covering the crash of TWA Flight 800. I'm going to watch that.

All we are are Hanes in the wind

KG and I are going through some pretty serious housecleaning. Making room for the new arrival in April.

Tonight I found a pile of old T shirts on the bed. Shirts KG was planning on giving to Goodwill.

I personally can't bear to part with most of my old T shirts. They are very much like photos or postcards. Each one is a snapshot of some point in my life. As a result, I have well over 100 T shirts. Most of which I never wear. I managed to tlak KG into keeping most of them. I felt the pain of their loss even if she didn't.

They had all come out of a box that had been in the spare room. In tribute to the Ts that almost found there way in to the thrift store system, here they are:

White Houston Shakespeare Festival 1990. Had a portrait of the Bard done in a collage.

Gray T with John Tenniel's "Illustration of Alice" on the front.

Black that read "Behind every great woman is a great women's college. Smith 1994". She doesn't know it, but I actually took this one to wear myself.

Gray Delekta Pharmacy shirt with a drawing on the back of a soda fountain reading "Home of the World's 'Most Delektable' Coffee Cabinet.

White Simpons family portrait circa 1989.

Black with red lips reading "Spoken Word 729 HOPE Providence."

White Trinity College.

White with RI Rhode Island logo

White with graphic of the globe being held in a hand, reads "The Whole Tribe."

White PBS Mystery! logo with Edward Gorey drawing.

White Simpsons 2 sided family pic with Sebadoh logo superimposed on it. The story I hear is that on one tour Sebadoh used second hand Ts for all their tour shirts.

White 2 sided Animaniacs logo.

Gray Oxford Crew with crossed oars. Purchased while KG attended Oxford.

White Smith College Alumnae.

Gray Mickey Mouse graphic.

The college shirts I told her she couldn't get rid of. No one else should be able to wear them, and it's the only proof that she did go.

Still in the box was a black Club Babyhead T, along with a black Touisset Point Country Club shirt. And a Kbco Polarized Lenses shirt.

I had planned, back before my digital camera broke, to take a picture of both KG and myself wearing every single one of our T shirts. There are quite a few I could part with if I had a picture. It's more the memory the shirt evokes than the shirt itself.

I'll put it on the to do list.

A New Hope

After Episode 3 came out, I made a decision that I would introduce my son to Star Wars with Episode 1, and work forward. Not because that's the way George wants them to be viewed, but because I wanted to see what TKJr's perspective on SW would be having watched them in that order.

Well, I kinda screwed that up tonight. He's a big Darth Vader fan. He calls him "Dark Side". Tonight he was wearing my Vader mask and running around the house doing the deep breathing sounds. He loves R2D2. Goes nuts everytime he sees him. He likes C3P0 as well. Whenever he hears the commercial for the MOS exhibit on the radio, he starts singing the theme song. And of course... everytime he sees a stormtrooper he calls him "Daddy." So, with this in mind, I decided to put on Episode IV tonight. I figured the first 5 minutes of the movie has Vader, stormtroopers, R2 and 3P0. You can't beat that.

From the second the opening crawl began, TKJr sat on the floor, transfixed. His eyes were wide, his mouth hanging open. He stayed that way until the jawas got to the Lar's homestead. Then his interest began to wane.

I may sound like a dork, I know. But seriously, my eyes welled with tears watching my little boy mesmerized by what he was watching. He's only 2, but the magic worked. It was like reliving it myself.

Damn, being a father has got to be the best fucking thing in the world. Seriously.

Shit, it's been a week!

And yet I still have nothing relevant to say.

Nothing.

Closed because of storne

I walked down to the local Qwiki Mart at the height of the storm yesterday, hoping to buy a pack of smokes.

I wasn't surprised that the store was closed, what with a blizzard and shit. But closed because of storne?

I'm afraid of what a storne might be. I'll be keeping my eye out.

So, we ended up with, I'm guessing, about 16 inched here. Light, powdery snow. Not too bad. Got a sick toddler on top of that, so it's fun, fun, fun over here. Oh well, I guess every day can't be all shits and giggles.

meme!

Found this fun meme over on Love and Other Drugs

Here are the rules:

Grab the nearest book
Open the book to page 123
Find the fifth sentence
Post the text of the next 3 sentences (#5,6,7) on your blog, along with these instructions.
Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! Just grab what is closest. No cheating.

The closest book to my computer is actually "Guess How Much I Love You." But, children's books don't have 123 pages. So, a blind reach into the bookcase results in "The Master Magicians: Their Lives and Most Famous Tricks" by Walter Gibson. My sentences are:

He decided to make up for it with another grand tour, this time including Europe on his route. In December, 1904, Ching Ling Foo arrived in London with a company of Chinese jugglers, contortionists and acrobats. His troupe opened as the headline attraction at the Empire Theater.

Thanks, Mycalls. That was entertaining.

Happy, happy birthday to me...

Birthday Boy by The Residents

Bulging eyes abound about
The birthday boy today;
Screaming, "Creaming eyes!"
Screamed he,
His mother looked away.
"Creaming eyes explode upon
An apple pirate toad
And if an injun ate a plate
I'd laugh and live abode."
Nervousness itself was shifting
Guests against the door,
"Forgive us dear, but, uh, baking beer
It what we should be near."
"Bye," the bothered birthday boy said,
"Bye," the bothered birthday boy said,
"Bye or sell or bye,
Bye or sell or bye."
"Happy, happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me he-he-hee,
Happy birthday to me...

Hatred is human and hatred is here

In response to Mycalls comment... it appears that the admins at myspace have taken it upon themselves to remove Jacob's profile and replace it with the following diatribe:

"While the mainstream media is busy covering this tragic yet insignificant story, important things are going on in the world. The sad irony of the supposed “information age” is a noticeable absence of actual news from America’s most popular media outlets. House fires, car accidents, kidnappings—while all certainly important to the few people they immediately concern—are completely irrelevant to the human race as a whole, yet these such stories dominate the headlines. This is said to exclude stories of celebrity lifestyles, "human interest", and sports, all of which have positively no value to civic life. This standard of journalistic irresponsibility works in direct contrast with democracy, as citizens of America—a nation heralded as a supposed bastion of democracy—remain the most ill-informed citizens in the developed world. For example, a majority of Americans continue to believe that Saddam Hussein was directly responsible for the 11 September attacks, but know for certain that Lindsey Lohan has struggle with an eating disorder.

As such stories grip American audiences, the current administration in the White House is setting a course for American the democracy that could very well see it to its finish, much in the vein of Roman democracy’s defeat beneath the boot of militaristic dictatorship. At this crossroad of history, we find America much more concerned with stories which will never amount to as much as a sentence in any history book. Fascism, the face of which has begun to emerge in America, thrives on ignorance of this sort, relying upon a population sedated by inconsequential matters and willingly ignorant of issues central to the survival of their community and species.

Shame on the American media, and shame on the American public. You have shunned the gift of knowledge afforded to us by thousands of years of human progress, and have chosen rather the bliss of ignorance. The price could prove to be the freedom of the greatest democracy of all time."

I have no hard facts to confirm my theory, but judging by FOX's bombastic coverage and the fact that they were apparently using his myspace profile for most of their information, I'm guessing they prompted the removal.

Oh well. It was all sound and fury anyway. As for what has replaced it... I have no retort. I don't disagree.

He didn't like Mondays

So, Jacob Robida dies from multiple gunshot wounds to the head. But not before 2 other people lost their life.

I'm sure the media, the pundits and wags and armchair philosophers the world over will be debating what caused this 18 year old to suddenly burn up in an orgy of violence.

There must be a reason. There has to be a reason. Or, as Bob Geldof once said:

"What reason do you need to die?"

Take a look at the boy's myspace profile and judge for yourself.

And another thing...

We're back to the occasional odd google search.

Put in "fuck jcaho" and this site comes up at #6. Probably be #1 now.

Strange this to google, so thinks me.