Friday, September 30, 2005

You can lick the crack

It's 8:24PM and I'm about ready for bed. Did I take my speed today? Dunno, can't remember. All I know is I'm crashing, and there's no second wind in sight.
Speaking of wind... yesterday was crazy windy. Driving to Davis Square, I actually saw limbs down in the street. On my way back, I ran over an American flag that had blown into the street. Then I hit an umbrella.
Today was very fallish... cool, clear and crisp. Tomorrow starts Octubre.
So, one of our temps at work, RG, ended her run with us yesterday. She had had a pretty rough time fitting in. Partly due to her personality, partly due to the personalities of our regular employees. At any rate, things came to a head yesterday. It was her last day anyway, but she ended it by telling one of the other coordinators to kiss her ass, and while she was there to lick the crack.
Of course, I missed this bit of witty banter. But as Molius pointed out today, it's one of those moments that is bound to become a VNA legend. People will be talking years from now about the temp who raised her skirt and mooned the boss.
So, back to basics. I'm damn tired. I think I'll skip the TV for once and call it an early night. Maybe try and talk KG into giving me some loving.
Night all.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Hey you. Yeah, you...

To the guy driving the big ass pick up truck who wanted to have a go with me this morning on Cambridge Street:
I appreciate the fact that you took exception to my use of a universal hand signal to non-verbally communicate to you my disgust and contempt for your actions. I also appreciate the fact that you decide against getting out of your vehicle and assaulting me, which is what you seemed to be telling me you would like to do. But let me point something out to you. You did two things that were clearly wrong, and deserving of my less than friendly gesture.
First, you drove around a line of traffic and took a right turn from the left turn only lane. Second, you blew through a red light at top speed. A red light that had a clearly visible sign designating the intersection as a No Turn On Red intersection.
This, sir, makes you an asshole.
No reason to get vilent with me. I was simply pointing out your assholism, as I presumed you were not aware of it.
Have a nice day!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Hear Ya Got Religion

Help us, help us, help us,
Please if we could see clearly what we would decide
If there was no desperation, would we be alive?
If there were no windows that we sit inside
If there were no ugly feelings, would we be alive?
Would we be alive?

Help us, help us, help us,
Please would you make me helpless
So that I could be looking for the sight of something that I cannot see
I'd be floating in the ocean, floating in the sea
Floating in a drifting wind,
I wish that I could be floating in a liquid, nice and thick and warm
Floating where there is no pleasure and there is no harm
Life could be so pleasant, if we all could be
Helpless, hopeless creatures just marching to the sea
Would we be alive?
Helpless, hopeless

On occasion I have one of those moments of clarity. A brief second or two where my consciousness cuts through the cluttered clatter of my mind.
A bright, shiny moment when everything makes sense.
I see my purpose, both formed and unformed.
I see the pattern in everything.

And then I blink. Filters back in place, perspective returns to normal.
All is as it is because it is as it should be. Even when it isn't.
Intelligent Design? I really don't see the point of arguing about it. It doesn't really matter.
If something exists, it stands to reason that it would naturally work to perpetuate itself. Regardless of whether or not there was some being behind it.
If there is some being behind it, all the better.
Again, I don't see why it would really matter.

Then again, I didn't realize that tofu was made of soy. So consider the source.

Friday, September 23, 2005

What is wrong with you people???

I checked the site meter today, and found that this google search led some hapless soul to my site.
What the fuck? Not only do you have serious problems if you're searching the internet for sibling sex, but this particular individual was determined. I paged through the results and gave up on the 20th page... and I still hadn't found the link to me!!
Mister, you are a sick muther fucker. I suggest you cut your dick off and get some help.
And to all you other sick porn surfers out there... don't bother looking here. There are no incest jpeg movies free,family sex mpegs,incest pregnant sex stories animals fucking to be found here.
There. That ought to bring on the freak parade.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Just an average diety

So, I decided to chat up the Almighty.

Me: Hey G, I'm back
God:You've got my full attention. My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
Me: Can we get one?
God:Do you mean you and me? Try searching the open directory.
Me: Why are you asking me questions?
God:My purpose is to gather as much new knowledge as possible.
Me: Does that mean I am God?
God:I think it does mean that. How are you, god.

A note to all the faithful out there: If that's the truth, I'm sorry to report that you're all fucked. I'm a bad god.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Word of the day

Fecalencephalosis (n) The condition of having shit for brains.

Normally when I drive to work in the morning, I'm on the highway in just over a mile or two. The Expressway is a grueling drive, an hour to travel 25 miles. That said, I can't remember the last time I used my horn. People don't have much of an opportunity to be ass monkeys when you're moving at 5 mph.

This week I've been driving TK Jr to daycare. That means instead of heading right for 93, I have to drive through Quincy. Today, I used my horn 3 times in less than 30 minutes. On the side streets where traffic is moving, there are ass monkeys aplenty.

Note to drivers: Please, for the love of all that is holy, learn how to fucking change lanes, will ya?!?!?! Or better yet, go ahead and plow into me. That'll surely help us all get where we need to go faster.

I stand by my slur.

Monday, September 19, 2005

The Eyes have it

So, I was kicking around the idea of making my very own eyeball mask. Seems there is scant info out there on doing that.
Then there's the matter of getting a tux and all.
Oh well. Halloween is approaching, and I have costumes on my mind. What to wear this year...
I was going to do a zombie, but I've been so distracted with SW and trooping, I haven't had the time to put much thought or effort into it. I did a store bought zombie last year. This time, I wanted to do something better. Perhaps next year.
Which leaves me at a loss for this year. What to wear, what to wear.

Food for thought.

Small wonder...

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Thar she blows

Well, after spending the better part of a week accusing the boy of hiding my Cube-E album I managed to find it. Along with The Final Cut and 6 other discs I hadn't noticed were missing. Where were they? Still in an overnight bag from when I stayed at my Mom's with the Divas. That was in July.
I spent today cleaning out my car and transferring all the baby stuff over. KG has the week off, so I'll be shuttling TK Jr. to and from daycare. No more cigs in the car. To that end, I bought the cheapest, shittiest butts I could find today. I figure if I stick to smoking shit, I'll want to smoke less.
We'll see how that works.

Got paged 3 times tonight, all stupid stuff. At one point, as I was trying to get Jr ready for bed, I told him "Sorry, TK Jr, Daddy's got to go help another dipshit with their computer."
So, I'm going to sign off and turn on the tube. I'm going to get myself in a good frame of mind and watch Eskimo . Molius, I'll be bringing that and the Commerical DVD tomorrow.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Smelly Tongues

Oh, The Residents. How I love them. Can I just say how happy I am my bud Molius is a Smelly Tongue now? Very very happy. It's good to share the insanity.

You know TV has run out of ideas when the History Channel has an hour of programming dedicated to CGI re-enactments of WWII dogfights.

I'm too lazy to think of anything original to say, and BG will be on soon, so I'm going to "borrow" a list from Mycalls . Cuz I like lists.

5 Things That No Longer Scare Me
1. Death. I've given it a lot of thought over the years. I'm in no hurry, but I'm not afraid either.
2. Dust bunnies. I was a strange child, I thought they were alive.
3. Nuclear war. I haven't traded that fear for anything else, but it's nice to know that global destruction is no longer a realistic threat.
4. Talking to girls.
5. Monsters. Sure, if I actually saw one I'd promptly shit my pants. But I'm not afraid of them lurking under the bed anymore.

5 Things That Still Scare Me
1. Having no money. I gots me a kid, enough said.
2. Cancer
3. "Them"
4. Raccoons.
5. My ex-wife.

5 Things That Never Used to Scare Me...But Do
1. Americans.
2. Being a father.
3. Health care. I work in the field... y'all should be scared too.
4. My own body.
5. Losing my hearing. Sometimes I suspect it already started.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005


AKA the Manta Ray . Pretty cool. One of the Baby Genius shorts that TK Jr likes to watch has some footage of these things. Kind of like an underwater flying wing. They're cool.

In other news, we managed to close out the month of August with zero errors, despite the best efforts of all the idiots at work. Yeah for me!
RB is back, and that's a good thing.
"Hail, hail, the gang's all here,
We're a bunch of live ones,
not a single dead one;
Hail, hail, thegang's all here,
Sure I'm glad that I'm here, too!"

I can't find the copy of Cube-E that I bought a while back, and haven't listened to yet. Bullocks!

Monday, September 12, 2005

Never Forget

The Death Star - Y4

Today, the Empire pauses to remember the terrorist attack at Yavin 4, which resulted in the destruction of the newly operational Death Star, killing all 45,802,934 people on board.

The Death Star was a symbol of the Empire's might. It was the final piece in Emperor Palpatine's galactic defense program. With it's completion, citizens across the galaxy could rest assured that they were safe, and order and peace would be maintained.

It is for these very reasons that the terrorist organization known as The Rebel Alliance chose it as a target. Not only would they keep themselves safe from destruction, but they thought they could deal a deadly blow to the resolve of the people of the galaxy and the Empire itself. They succeeded in their plan to destroy the Death Star, but they failed to topple the Empire. They failed to beat us, and our way of life.

The biggest threat to the Empire has always been the radical extremists that comprise the Rebel Alliance. They had been attempting to spread sedition throughout the galaxy since the formation of the Empire. Members of the Senate who had been sympathetic to both the Separatists and the Jedi formed a shadow organization within the Senate. That was one of the reasons for Emperor Palpatine's dissolution of the Senate only weeks before the attack on the Death Star. It was paramount to galactic security to protect all systems from the influence of these radicals. With the loss of their politic arm, the Rebels turned to terrorism.

It was in orbit around Yavin 4 (Y4) that the Rebel Alliance committed their most horrendous act of terrorism. After luring the battle station to their secret base, they unleashed an unexpected attack. No capital ships waited to meet the Empire. Instead, snub fighters were sent in on suicide runs to attack the station directly. One of those fighters, piloted by the radical extremist Luke Sywalker, penetrated the outer defense, and launched a proton torpedo directly in to an exhaust port on one of the Death Star's trenches. The resulting chain reaction destroyed the entire station, instantly killing all on board.

Those on board mainly consisted of military personal, the bulk of them being clones, serving as Stormtroopers. Although their existence within the galaxy has been a matter of debate for the past 3 decades, the fact is they faithfully serve the people of the Empire. They fight and die with no other thought than the glory of the Empire. Their selfless devotion to the principles of the Empire and it's people is something we should all honor.

In addition to the soldiers and security forces, there were countless officers, technicians and their families. Families living within the Death Star. In fact, the Death Star had just begun a Day Care center. Of the 45,802,934 people killed aboard the Death Star, only 31,622,963 were military. The remainder... innocent citizens, families of the Empire.

A horrible, cowardly attack by a terrorist group. But, they have not won. All available resources within the Imperial Navy are being pressed in the hunt for radical extremists Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa, and Han Solo. The leaders of this dangerous group. Skywalker, in addition to being a cunning military strategist, is rumored to be a member of the outlawed religion know as the Jedi Order. The Jedi had once served the Republic, but had attempted to overthrow then Chancellor Palpatine and the Senate at the height of the Clone Wars. Palpatine ordered their execution during the Great Jedi Purge, and outlawed the religion as one of his first acts as Emperor. There are also rumors that Luke Skywalker may be the son of Anakin Skywalker, a prominent Jedi during the Clone Wars who disappeared among much speculation just before Order 66 ushered in the formation of the Empire.

There have been changes for everyone in this post Y4 galaxy. Security is tighter. Power among the regional governments has been consolidated. People are required to carry personal identification at all times. Ships are subject to search and seizure. All in efforts to prevent Rebel cells from operating and carrying out further attacks throughout the galaxy.

With the implementation of the Y4 Imperial Act, we can rest assure that all is being done to protect everyone, everywhere. The Rebel Alliance will be defeated, and peace will once again be restore to the galaxy under the benevolent leadership of Emperor Palpatine.

To all those that died at Y4, we remember you. You will not be forgotten.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

What happened to the post 9/11 dream?

So, tomorrow marks 4 years since the towers came toppling down, and we officially became a nation of victims.
Never forget. So far, I don't think I've been given the chance to.
I remember the day very well. My morning started off like any other. Alarm went off at 5:30. I hit the snooze 4 or 5 times. Finally dragged my ass out of bed and into the shower. Got out, grabbed a cup of coffee, and shook KG awake. Then I flipped on the TV to CNN for a dose of morning news while I smoked a few butts and had my cup of joe.
It had been a slow news week, and the biggest items were shark attacks and a missing intern. Not much else happening that clear, bright morning.
KG and I left for work. She hopped on the T and headed into Downtown Crossing. I walked over to the Hood building to start my day.
A few minutes before 9, my sister emailed me to tell me a plane had crashed into one of the Twin Towers. We joked about it a bit, and that was that. Then people in the office started talking about it, so I tried to get on to see what was up. No luck, the net was jammed.
Things unfolded quickly after that. I spent time running between the TV in the lobby and doing my job. KG and I emailed each other back and forth. Finally, after news came that the Pentagon had been hit, I started feeling a little scared. The whole world seemed to be coming undone.
KG works in the financial services field. That morning, Wall Street had never opened. So, her company sent them all home. We had the option of leaving, but in my field, people don't stop being sick just because fucked up shit is going down in NYC and DC. So I stayed.
There are a few things about that day that still stick with me. First and foremost was the overwhelming feeling of dread and fear during those first hours. Not knowing what was going on, how big the attack was, or where the next possible target was was scary. Damn scary. And not to harp on it again, but there was absolutely NO WORD from our fearful leader.
The second thing that still haunts me is the images. Hour upon hour of sitting on the couch, watching the horror in New York unfold, and be replayed again and again and again. Watching those towers fall, it looked unreal. Too much for the mind to handle.
Lastly, and most profoundly, was the lack of planes in the sky. We lived in Somerville and spent many an evening on the porch. Planes were so much part of the scenery that we didn't even notice them. Until they were all gone. No vapor trails in the empty air. No roar of engines. Nothing.
But, like most people, I moved on. No one I knew died that day. Thankfully. Life continued. The world kept turning.
Some things about the world have been changed beyond repair. There's two huge ass buildings in New York that are gone. Their skyline has been altered forever. 2,400+ people ceased to be that day. Americans willingly pissed away their civil rights to protect themselves from terrorists with a little thing called the Patriot Act. Thousands of Americans who were guilty of nothing more than being "sand niggers" were jailed without being charged and denied legal council under that act. Afghanistan had a lot of bombs dropped on it. Sales of American flags went up. "Never Forget" became a mantra. A new term, "post 9/11" was entered into our lexicon. Dubya decided to destroy Iraq.
I'll say this... terrorism is the greatest thing ever for the government of this country. Americans are not brave people, and as a rule, they don't like to think for themselves. Tell them they are under constant threat from sleeper cells waiting to blow up their malls and disrupt their holidays, and they'll let you do any damn thing you want. Wire taps? OK. Search and seizure without warrants? OK. September 11th security tax on airline tickets? Don't even question that. They give us a color coded threat meter and talk of "chatter" all so we can live under a constant pall of fear, but continue to go about our normal lives.
I'll eat my hat if the terrorist threat in this country is even one quarter of what we're lead to believe.

So, to all of you out there who were directly affected by the events of September 11th, 2001, my heart goes out to you on this sad anniversary. To every other person in the country, Happy 9/11 Day!

Friday, September 09, 2005


I couldn't have put it better myself.

"Hey you, Whitehouse,
Ha ha charade you are.
You house proud town mouse,
Ha ha charade you are"

In other news,FEMA director Brown recalled to Washington. They still have a long way to go to make things right, but that's a step in the right direction.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Shout out to the plushies

What do you expect if you title your blog "secret thoughts of stuffed animals"? Some pretty odd google searches, that's what. I'm sort of dismayed at the amount of people googling one or another variation of "animals fucking".
Today, it was "pterodactyl stuffed animals". Now that I like. Reminds me of Pterry the Pterodactyl. He was a stuffed animal dinosaur that I had as a kid. I had a few, and they've disappeared over the years. Father Topps survived (a rather large tricerotop), and now resides in TK Jr's room. Granted, I wasn't very original with their names: Baby Topps, Bronti and Steggie (take a guess), but I loved them none the less. And hey, at least none of them crucified Rudolph.
At any rate, I'm long over due to reveal some of the secret thoughts of stuffed animals. So here goes:

A teddy bear might think "I sure like being furry." A stuffed dog might think "bow wow, bow wow. " A pretend stuffed person might think "hey, I don’t have to go to school, I never have to get a job. But I am rather small and have no elbows or knees."
Oh well, I’m sure things are going to be OK.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Testing 1..2..3

Seem to be having some trouble here. Everytime I pull up this site, only my last post shows, no side bar.
let's see if this does anything...

Saturday, September 03, 2005

People Need Help Now!

Holy shit...
NOLA News web logs

Navel Gazing

Whew. I've been pretty pissed the last few days. The debacle that has been unfolding down South has really gotten under my skin. Now that I've ranted a bit, I've got a clear enough head for some perspective. As is my nature, that means looking inward.
There was a time, as a young adult, that I was fairly idealistic. I'd have gladly joined Obi Wan on some damn fool crusade. Somewhere along the way, I got jaded. World weary. I gave up trying to save the world, and decided to instead focus on enjoying my very tiny piece of the pie.
Then I went and had me a child. My priorities have been in flux ever since. I want the world to be a better place for him. I brought him into this mess, I feel I should be able to help him make his way through it. Problem is, while I'm sure I'll be able to impart at least a modicum of wisdom on to him, I know full well that there ain't much I can do about it. Or to change it. Been there, tried that. I still have a T shirt or two.
I can try to explain the world to him. But I can't help him understand it. I don't understand it myself. Nor can I pretend to.
But pretend I must. I know, in order for him to feel secure, I have to make him believe we're all large and in charge. That grown-ups know what they're doing. That we have everyone's best interests in mind.
You and I can laugh, sure. But do you remember when we believed it too? Do you remember when we thought Mommy and Daddy could fix anything, knew everything, were all powerful? I do.
I can't explain to my child that there are no grown-ups. There are no adults. We're all just children, running around trying to make sense of the world. Trying to survive. The only difference between a child and an adult is that adults have done things enough times so that they know what to do. They've gained enough experience that they can make decisions and function. We've learned how to live on our own. But that's about it, really.
I want to teach TK Jr. about compassion. I want him to believe in something other than himself. I want him to maintain his clarity, so that he can see the world for what it is. I want him to understand people, and to have compassion for them.
I want to raise him Buddhist.
That's going to require a difficult commitment on my part. I'm going to have to be one myself.
I've tried, and I've succeeded. And I've failed. I followed the path for a while, and life was better. There was less suffering. But I'm attached to my attachments. And I'm bitter, and cynical, jaded and faded. I'm addicted and distracted. And it keeps getting in the way.
The more I think about the state of our country today, the more firmly I believe that we could all do a lot of good by taking some time to gaze into our own navels. Think about what we're doing. Think about where we're going. About how we treat ourselves, our loved ones, our coworkers, our neighbors. Our strangers and our enemies. Think about our actions and inactions. Our fears and desires, our wants and needs.
Is each one of us living right? Are any of us? What are our priorities? What are our agendas?
Harmony is not hard to achieve, nor is balance. When we all stop tugging in our separate directions, we can start to exist together.
It doesn't take a Coke. It takes mindfulness.
We can't change the way people think or act by trying to force them. We can only change them by living right ourselves, setting the example. And maintaining hope that with time, it will catch on.
That's a tall order. Think I'll have a beer and finish of my evening staring at my belly button.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Apples and Oranges

I'd like to draw a few comparisons. I realize I'm talking about two very different situations, but I think there's a point to made here about our government. So bare with me.

9/11 vs Katrina

Within hours of the collapse of the Twin Towers, our government agencies mounted an unprecedent rescue and recovery effort. Rescue services from every corner of this country converged on Ground Zero to assist with finding several thousand people.
Those people were all dead. We all pretty much knew that. Just didn't want to accept it.
Food and water, assistance of every kind was sent into NYC. Mind you, all air traffic was grounded. There was panic in the hearts of every American. It was a period of time when fear ruled, and no one knew if they were next.
Before we even had a clear idea of who the perps were, W and his pals were putting the war machine in gear. The strength of our government agencies was impressive, and it bolstered the spirits of our nation.
No one knew prior to 8:46AM on September 11th what was going to happen. After it did happen, the response was rapid.

Everyone knew ahead of time that a Category 4 hurricane was bearing down on the Gulf. FEMA and other govt agencies had discussed the what ifs of just such a disaster. Evacuations were ordered, but nothing was done to evacuate people who did not have transportation.
Monday, the storm hit. Today is Friday. Our government is just starting to act now. There were and are millions of people, living people, who need help. Who can be rescued. Some of them are dead now.
There are people who survived the storm and flood, only to die of neglect. Because no one came to help them. There are still thousands of people waiting to be rescued from rooftops.

I can't really say any more about it without breaking down into another profanity riddled rant.
I'll say this much. Since Bush and Co. are so fond of snappy names and titles for their actions, I'd like to put one out there.
The response to terrorism post 9/11, they called that Shock & Awe.
The response to Katrina? I suggest Disgust & Dismay.

As I reported to Molius earlier today, I no longer have the capacity to be outraged. I have no faith left to lose.
The government of this country, and it's various agencies, have completely and utterly failed every single citizen of this country.

This was our President today, prior to his camera op tonight:

George Bush, go fuck yourself. You are a pathetic excuse for a human being. You and your whole cabinet can go fuck yourselves.

Thank you for making me be ashamed to be an American.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Baby please don't go....

On a slightly more serious note:
I've been paying a lot of attention to the news today as the situation in New Orleans devolves by the hour. Things are not good.
Check out The Survival of New Orleans Blog for news from the epicenter.
I really thought I was as jaded as I could be. Seems I was wrong. I have yet to hear any stories of bravery and compassion. All I'm hearing is looting, shooting, rape and murder. Our government seems incapable of getting a handle on the situation. People are suffering and dying.
What the fuck? This isn't some third world piss hole we live in. This is The United States of America. How can we allow this shit to happen?
I'm not a praying man. But what passes for prayer with me is directed at all the victims of this disaster.
To the looters, murderers, rapist, snipers... fucking die, pigs. I hope you all die. There is NO excuse at all for that kind of behavior. Anyone who tries to rationalize it, fuck you too.
People need help.
Lastly, to the people who ARE out there helping, bless you. That's what it's all about. A little compassion goes a long way. I know the media likes to feast on the bad, and they tend to ignore the less sensational heroism. I know people are out there, giving all they can.
Thank you for saving some of my faith in mankind.
What a mess.

Post Script: Jessie Jackson, you are an asshole. Go home and shut the fuck up. Now.

Gas holes

On my way home yesterday, I thought about stopping for gas, since I was at a 1/4 full. $2.89 a gallon at the place I usually go, which was a 17 cent jump overnight. I didn't stop, as there was a huge line.
Well, this morning I stopped and it was $3.39 a gallon. $3.39!!

Fuck you, oil men. Fuck you in the ass. There isn't even a shortage yet!!

So, as a public service, go here for a list of the lowest and highest prices in the region.

$3.39 a gallon. Seems like the looting isn't confined to New Orleans. Fuckers.