Monday, March 27, 2006

Ode to a boob

Ah, the female breast. One of my favorite creations. Call them boobs, tits, melons, fun bags, whatever... I'm a fan.

They are fun to hold, fun to squeeze. Fun to look at, fun to lick. Put simply, the breast is the best.

Tonight, I'm thinking about DC's boob. As much as I enjoy thinking about mammaries, I wish I didn't have her's on my mind. Not that she doesn't have nice ones. In fact, they're pretty perky at 42. Not bad at all.

No, the reason I wish I wasn't thinking about her tit is because she's having a needle biopsy tomorrow. Her doctor found a spot during her last mammogram. That ugly C world looms it's head, and I'm not talking about "cunt." Cancer.

Of course, at this point, nothing is certain. It could be nothing, it could be benign. But the time that passes between something being noticed or brought to your attention and the getting a diagnosis is nerve wracking. Scary. Especially when you're talking about cancer.

Being such a big fan of the breast, the idea of breast cancer is particularly disturbing to me. I can't imagine what that must be like. Yes, a woman is more than the sum of her body parts. It would be wrong, though, to ignore the importance, symbolic and otherwise, of the breast. Men don't really have a comparable situation. Sure, prostate cancer is the big concern for men. Testicular cancer is pretty scary as well. Those are both internal problems though. Neither the prostate or the nuts have the external profile that the breast does.

Not to mention, the idea of any part of your body turning on you kind of freaks me out.

Anyway, enough. My point here being I'm thinking about DC's titty, and hoping all is well with it. It's a good breast, a fine breast. As previously stated, it's damn good looking for it's age. I sincerly hope all is well with it. All is healthy with it.

Be good, boob. Stay healthy.

I should add my thoughts are with DC as well. I'm not a praying man, but occasionally I do have a one sided conversation with g-o-d when I'm on the porch having a smoke. So tonight we'll discuss boobies and friends. I'll be asking that He take a little time to look down on my lunch buddy and make sure she's OK.

Lastly, let me say it now so it doesn't become an issue later. I'm not wearing the ribbon.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

RIP Chef?

Wow. What an episode. I laughed, I cried, I spit beer in my wife's face.

I can't get on the South Park Studios site right now, so I can't confirm if it's all true or just a big farce. Either way, it was a brilliant episode.

"Super Adventure Club." I love it.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Now I am the master

TKJr is officialy obsessed. We watched ANH, let's see... 6 times this weekend. He's already started memorizing lines.

While playing with a 3P0 figure "Oh look, a transport. Over here! Over here!"

That's my favorite so far. I bought him the Vader voice changer helmet today. Also got him a new pair of R2 sneakers, as he outgrew his other ones.

I think I've created a monster. Or at the very least, a mini me.

Other weekend highlights: Went rug shopping on Saturday. Didn't buy, just looked. Lowe's seems to be the best price.
Laundry today. Not too crowded. That was nice. Planning on hitting IKEA next weekend for a new couch and some furniture for Jr.
Bed soon, work tomorrow.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Pogue Mahone, y'all.

Yup, kiss my ass. Seriously.

Oh, and happy wearing of the green to all the Irish out there. I'll be sucking down a pint or two of stout in your honor.

Pogue Mahone, y'all.

That's right. Happy wearing of the green.

And kiss my ass. Seriously.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Sympathetic Syncope?

Strange day today.

I'm on my second day of not smoking. I had 2 butts total today. One this morning around 10 and the other around 2:45 in the afternoon.

This afternoon, prior to having a smoke, I was in one of the clinical managers' office having a discussion. Suddenly I felt kind of dizzy. Weird, but since I was talking to a soul sucker, I figured it was just the draining effect of her personality working on me.

Well, some time went by, and as I sat quietly at my desk I kept having dizzy spells. Mind you, I was seated and resting. So, I decided to have someone take my blood pressure.

First reading : 122/90. Not good. Hypertensive. I was a tad concerned. Mostly because it was late afternoon, so the Adderol was wearing off, I hadn't had a coffee since lunch, and I wasn't smoking. Those were all the things I could think of that tend to raise your blood pressure.

The girl that gave me the reading suggested I get another one before leaving work. She was concerned about me driving home. I didn't think the situation was that bad, but hey... she's a nurse, I'm not.

Anyway, I sat down with her as I was leaving. This time: 140/90. She was upset. Made me promise to call her when I got home.

I got to the car, called my wife. Typical KG, she was an asshole about it.

Me: Had a bit of a scare just now. Got my bp read, I'm hypertensive.
KG: Why did you get your blood pressure read?
Me: I was having dizzy spells! Besides, I'm supposed to monitor it.
KG: That's great. I have high blood pressure, and now you do too. You should rest. I'll take care of everything tonight...
Me: bye.

I hung up on her. She's 8 months pregnant, so i can't bitch too much. But... did it ever cross her mind that maybe the fact that her bp is high and she might be confined to bed rest for the remainder of her term MIGHT HAVE A NEGATIVE EFFECT ON MY STRESS LEVEL??? Hey, she's carrying a baby, and fucked up shit happens to your body. High blood pressure is a normal potential risk. Me, I'm 33 and a male. High blood pressure like that is unusual and potentially serious. On top of it all, I wasn't really that woried about it. I was just calling to share the information and have a chuckle over how worried the ladies I work with get about such things.

Some days, I really wish I was fucking gay. At least I'd ne able to understand the people I'm attracted to.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Breaking up is hard to do

You've been my constant companion for 14 years now.

Right there with me through every shitstorm and every sunny day. You sustained me, inspired me, distracted me and detracted from me.

Yes. For all you've given, you have also taken. Taken years off my life. Taken money from my pocket. Stolen hours from my family and friends.

511,000 minutes, give or take. Stolen time I will never get back. The toll you have had on my life, that remains to be seen.

But I love you none the less. I am devoted to you. I am still seduced by you. I am addicted to you.

Now I need what you take from me. I don't have it to offer anymore, as I owe it to others. I need to be here with them, not with you.

Today I erased your memory from my car. The place we have spent so many hours. Alone with our music and our thoughts.

Tonight we dance one last time. Tomorrow, I remove you from my life. I remove you from my person. I cleanse your presence from me.

But I will not escape your grasp. I love you still. So much. I will long for you. I will ache for you. Because I am weak.

However, I will resist, for I need to be strong. My son, he believes me to be strong. To be right. To be in control. For him I must be.

I'll always love you. I'll always want you. I know you will always be waiting, arms open, to take me back.

Good-bye, nicotine. Please understand. It's not you. It's me.

I'll call you sometime.

Friday, March 10, 2006

People fucking stuffed animals

A rough week at work came to an end today, finding me sitting at my desk, bored and banging around the net. I actually have tons of work I have to do, but it has to wait until Monday so we can close out last month with no errors.

We got bonuses at work today. That was a nice treat. Almost an extra paycheck. I think I might be spending mine on a new sofa.

KG had a check up at the OB today. Good news: The doctor is pretty sure the baby has flipped and is no longer in the breech position.

Bad news: KG was slightly hypertensive and is being tested for preeclampsia. From what we've read this evening, most likely she doesn't have it, as she's not in any of the high risk groups. Plus, it seems like worst case scenario she'd be ordered to bed rest for the rest of her pregnancy. That, however, poses a big finanical problem.

She has a follow up with the OB tomorrow, so we're both keeping our fingers crossed until then.

On a lighter note, I lifted this link because, well... who doesn't enjoy watching animated boobies jiggle?

Saturday, March 04, 2006


Because I'm bored and it's too late to start anything else:

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
Thomas' Railway Word Book "Heat from the firebox turns water into steam."

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch?
I just cracked my hand into the wall.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Thomas the Tank Engine

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
The humidifier in my kids room (on the monitor) and the furnace. And my wife watching The Ben Stiller Show in the bedroom.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
8:30, for a smoke.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
ella's latest entry.

9. What are you wearing?
Black sweatpants, a maroon long sleeve T and a gray T that says "WXLZ", black Nikes. I was painting today, OK?

10. Did you dream last night?
I dreamed I was sleeping.

11. When did you last laugh?
A few hours ago when I put my son to bed.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Pictures of my kid, pictures of my wife as a kid, a glamour shot potrait of me in my stormtrooper armor, a framed print of some cat painting.

13. Seen anything weird lately?
My sister stopped by for a visit.

14. What do you think of this quiz?
It's entertaining me.

15. What is the last film you saw?
Some Aussie flick that was on IFC late last night.

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
A really big house, and some biker scout armor.

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know.
I have a tattoo of Kokopelli on my left arm.

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I'd kill my upstairs neighbors. Petty, but true.

19. Do you like to dance?
Depends on the amount of alcohol.

20. George Bush:
Fucking twit.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
He is.

23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
New Zealand, in a heartbeat.

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
Umm, sorry about that.

25. 4 people who must also do this meme in THEIR journal:
Well, I stole this. So, if you've just read it, you'd better do it too.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Fuck the police

I live on a quiet side street. It's right off of one of the main roads here in good old Weymouth. Every day I drive to the bottom of the street and take a right. I'm pretty familiar with the intersection, and I can safely judge how fast approaching traffic is going and whether or not I have the space and time to pull out.

Yesterday morning I approached the intersection, and looked to the left to see if anyone was coming. About a block away was a cop car. I had plenty of time to pull out, and I did.

Within a few minutes, I realized the cop was riding my rear bumper. I took my usual left, the cop followed. I drove another quarter mile with him on my ass. Then the lights statred flashing.

I pulled over wondering what the hell I might have done. The cop got out and walked up to me.

Cop: When you pull out of my street and you see me coming, what do you do?

Me: Um, I guess I should stop?

Cop: You can't just come tearing out of that street. Do you live on that street?

Me: Yes.

Cop: Well watch it next time.

Me: Yes, sir. I eyeballed you coming, and I felt I had plenty of time.

Cop: Well, don't do it again.

I was a little pissed, but I'm smart enough not to push it with the fuzz. First off, I didn't "tear" out. I stopped, looked, turned. The only way he could have come up on me so fast was if he was driving in excess of the 30 mph speed limit.

He didn't give me a ticket, so I was glad of that. Not that I did anything to merit one. I'm guessing he might live on my street. If so, he's probably aware of how fast people bomb up and down it. On any given morning I flip someone the bird as my wife attempts to pull out and they come flying by. But me, I was not speeding.

I put it out of my mind. Then, this morning as I'm standing beside my wife's car, we both notice an unmarked patrol car drive by and park 2 houses up. We exchanged raised eyebrows. She got in her car, I waved good bye to her and my son and she drove off. I noticed the cruiser turn around and park on the opposite side of the street 2 houses up. facing the same direction I would be driving.

I got in my car and backed out. I drove down to the intersection. I had to stop and wait as there were cars in front of me. I pulled into the corner qwiki mart and bought a pack of smokes. Came out, got in my car, took the same left I did yesterday. I look in my rear view, there's the frigging cruiser, right behind me. The son of a bitch followed me all the way to the highway. It was the same cop from yesterday.

Fucking A. This guy now has a bug up his ass over me. And I did not do ANYTHING wrong. I didn't give him any shit. I'll tell you this much, if he decides to follow me tomorrow, I'm either going to pull over and have words with him, or I'm calling the station and making a complaint about harrasment.