Considered for dismissal

One of my favorite tasks at work has nothing to do with my actual job description or position. It's a little duty I inherited from the last man to hold my title, and he dragged it with him for years until he got a well deserved cushy job.

Submitting parking tickets for dismissal.

It's a real treat. I get a charge out of reading the clinician's excuses. I get a totally inappropriate amount of glee (Glee, mind you! Real glee!) out of handing back the appeals that were denied. I make a point to hand deliver those.

Incidentally, I happened to actually read the Official Government Liaison Affidavit I sign and hand in every month with the tickets. It appears, unbeknownst to be until just now, that I hold an official government title. I am my company's "Official Liaison with the Office of the Parking Clerk for the City of Boston."

Cool. I'm recognized by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts as an Official Liaison. My first step on the path to galactic domination, no doubt.

At any rate, I was kindly enough to take the appeals home with me this weekend so I can mail them out on Monday. The written, or essay, portion of the appeal is a real treat. For your dubious pleasure, in my official capacity, I share:

" I was visiting a patient who lived on Commonwealth Ave. I parked on Newbury St. Prior to leaving my car I double checked signs and the one sign I saw was 'No parking in snow emergency' and 'No parking on Tuesdays between 2&7.' I would appreciate if this parking ticket could be considered for dismissal."
-Cited for parking in a loading zone


"I was visiting a patient and because of complications it took more than 2 hours to visit. It was 10:18am not PM."
-Time of violation 1:10PM

"I went to see patient who needed immediate service. I parked where there was a meter. When I came back I had a ticket. The street cleaning sign was twisted."
-It wasn't twisted when she parked there?

"While during the performance of my duties, I was doing a home visit to do a dressing changed that require being done at the same time each day. Due to the urgent nature of my visit I was forced to park where I did after driving around for 20 minutes looking for a spot so I could deliver nursing care to the patient."
-Read that first sentence three times fast. I dare you.

"I was ordered by MD to see a patient s/p laminectomy w/ increased pain. No other parking available in the area."
-Confuse the clerk with jargon. I'm impressed.

"I had parked to do a mandatory patient visit, deposited $.50 into the meter. Upon my return, I found I had been ticketed. I had prominently displayed my {name withheld} sign in the dashboard."
-The sign was in the glove box?

"I work for the {name withheld} as a physical therapist. It was of utmost importance that on 6/22/07 I visit my patient. There was an emergency situation that could have caused a fall for an elderly patient, and/or potential for injury. Please excuse it was an emergency."
-Cited for blocking a handicap ramp. Note the irony.

"Urgent Occupational Therapy visit per MD order to address safety in patient's home after recent return home from hospital. No visitor parking available."
-Note: She was ticketed at 11:53PM