So, it's just a little before 10 on a Thursday night. KG and I are hanging out in the office with the door open, enjoying a quiet evening. Suddenly there is a screech of tires and a horrific crunching boom right in our driveway.
I'm glad I wasn't carrying a turd. It might have squeezed out.
I rushed out the door in time to see a dark SUV tearing up the street with a blown tire. Pieces of hubcap and rearview mirror were all over our driveway and the street. There's a good chunk missing out of the telephone pole at the end of our driveway.
This asswipe was apparently bombing down our street on the wrong side of the road.
I called the cops, who just showed up. It appears the driver crashed in Whitman and is under arrest for DUI. The officer collected some evidence from my driveway, and went on his way.
Excitement she wrote!
Thursday, August 30, 2007
A new addition to the family.
No, KG is not pregnant.
However, my father has remarried (third time's a charm?).
Here's a pic of all of us from a couple of weekends ago when they came to visit.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity
Forgive me if I'm mistaken, but I believe the slogan was "G.I. Joe, Real American Hero."
Stephen Sommers can nibble the poo pills off my hairy, sweaty ass. Mother fucker.
The only childhood toy that cam close to rivaling my Star Wars obsession was GI Joe. Fact is, Joe pretty much eclipsed my SW craze. The Hasbro line went into high gear between Empire and Jedi. After Jedi came out, I got a few figures, but no playsets or vehicles. On the other hand, I had tons of GI Joes. I even had the damn base. I loved those guys.
The cartoon was the standard 80's shit, but the comic book truly rocked.
When I first heard rumblings of a movie, I didn't hold out much hope for something good. But this shit is just retarded. Seriously.
Why do we always need to update things? A Joe movie based on the comic book would be cool. If you're looking to reignite the franchise, go with the nostalgia. Bring to flesh and blood what we loved as children.
If you have to update, make it relevant, OK. You could pull that off with a little imagination.
But Sommer's vision: Festering shit heaps.
For the love of all that is PVC, someone give me a live action GI Joe TV show. Do the comics, man. You want to update it, fine. Snake Eyes lost his face in Iraq. Cobra is a domestic terrorist organization using the distraction of the War on Terror to destabilize the US. The GI Joe unit is culled from our current military ranks, misfit weapons geniuses and computer hackers, etc, who don't fit in well, but are the best in the military.
IT COULD WORK!
Stephen Sommers can nibble the poo pills off my hairy, sweaty ass. Mother fucker.
The only childhood toy that cam close to rivaling my Star Wars obsession was GI Joe. Fact is, Joe pretty much eclipsed my SW craze. The Hasbro line went into high gear between Empire and Jedi. After Jedi came out, I got a few figures, but no playsets or vehicles. On the other hand, I had tons of GI Joes. I even had the damn base. I loved those guys.
The cartoon was the standard 80's shit, but the comic book truly rocked.
When I first heard rumblings of a movie, I didn't hold out much hope for something good. But this shit is just retarded. Seriously.
Why do we always need to update things? A Joe movie based on the comic book would be cool. If you're looking to reignite the franchise, go with the nostalgia. Bring to flesh and blood what we loved as children.
If you have to update, make it relevant, OK. You could pull that off with a little imagination.
But Sommer's vision: Festering shit heaps.
For the love of all that is PVC, someone give me a live action GI Joe TV show. Do the comics, man. You want to update it, fine. Snake Eyes lost his face in Iraq. Cobra is a domestic terrorist organization using the distraction of the War on Terror to destabilize the US. The GI Joe unit is culled from our current military ranks, misfit weapons geniuses and computer hackers, etc, who don't fit in well, but are the best in the military.
IT COULD WORK!
Friday, August 24, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Home Improvement
I'm almost afraid to say it, but this place is finally starting to shape up. Last weekend I installed storm doors on the front of the house. KG's mother and her boyfriend came up during the week and replaced all the rotting boards on the deck and power washed 10+ years of scum off of it. It looks almost new. Today they replaced the patio slider. Not only does it actually slide now, but it has a screen. No more bugs in the house!
This weekend they're coming up again and we'll start replacing all the windows.
The backyard looks pretty good. We acquired a wooden swing set and a kiddie pool. The fence has been repaired, and we have new wooden steps covering up the busted brick ones.
Once we get the windows done, the only major thing left is the roof. Then we can start with all the updating and cosmetics.
Our little home feels more like a home every day.
This weekend they're coming up again and we'll start replacing all the windows.
The backyard looks pretty good. We acquired a wooden swing set and a kiddie pool. The fence has been repaired, and we have new wooden steps covering up the busted brick ones.
Once we get the windows done, the only major thing left is the roof. Then we can start with all the updating and cosmetics.
Our little home feels more like a home every day.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Friday, August 17, 2007
Zen and the art of slack
Story time, kids. I was recently reminded of all the fun I used to have when I worked at Sears, so I thought I'd share a tale or two.
I was 17 when I worked at the Sears Auto Center. I was a stockroom clerk. I stocked tires, exhaust systems and car batteries. I worked the night shift, the shop manager was a drunk, the mechanics were drunks and loons, and my coworkers were fellow high school slackers.
One of my favorite activities at work was to pour lighter fluid down the exhaust pipes. We had a whole slew of them hanging on huge metal racks. One of my cohorts would climb the rolling ladder, dump the lighter fluid down the pipe and then step back as I held a lighter to the bottom end. The lighter fluid would ignite with a loud "whooping" sound, and shoot out 2 or 3 feet from each end. We stopped doing this one night when one of the other clerks lit the pipe too soon and the guy on the ladder got a tad singed.
Another past time was having dolly races up and down the aisles of tires. I drove smack into the shins of the shop manager one time. He stared at me, walked back into his office, and remained there for the rest of the shift.
We got pretty good at racing pallet jacks down the ramp out back. Rolling people down the same ramp after ringing them in snow tires would good for a laugh as well.
Sometimes we'd use the compression hoses to fire objects around the shop. Soda bottles, tire valves. Those valves hurt like hell when they nailed you.
When we weren't stocking shelves or fucking around, we swept out the bays at the end of the night. When the mechanic using that bay was done for the night, we'd put up the lift and clean.
One night I was leaning on the counter to the stockroom, absently watching my coworker Dana clean the bays. He was a tad slow. A really nice kid and actually quite bright. But his mind moved in low gear, and he was often not quite with us. He was holding down the lever to one of the lifts, staring off in space. He thought he was raising the lift in the bay he was standing in. He wasn't. It was for the lift next to it. Which had a car parked in it. At an angle. Not lined up on the lift.
It took a moment or two for me to register the car beginning to rise on one side. It had a fairly serious list by the time I started screaming Dana's name. By the time he looked up at me, smiled and waved, the car was about 3 feet off the ground on one side and rising fast. I started waving and pointing frantically, and other people in the shop started noticing and piping in. Dana finally turned and looked just as the car toppled over on to it's side, making a horrible crunching sound as the roof crumpled between the lifts.
True story.
There was one mechanic who did an oil change and forgot to refill the oil. The owner of the car realized his mistake about a mile or so from the garage when his engine seized. Sears was kind enough to retain this mechanic, asking only that he pay for and install a new engine for the customer.
They did, however, excuse him from work when he did it again a week later.
Another guy was filling a tire he had just changed. The tire lay flat on this machine while he used a compressor to fill it. He was having a rather animate chat with the guy in the bay next to him, leaning one arm on the tire as he talked. After a while, the tire exploded off of the machine and flew through the air fast enough to leave an imprint on the ceiling. The guy's arm was broken in 4 places.
I dressed a mannequin in one of my work uniforms and placed it in the trash compacter. As one of my coworkers held in the button to compact the trash, I let out a scream, threw some fake blood around and hid. He stopped the compacter, came running in, and screamed like a little girl.
Good times.
The best, though, was when I opted to take a work study my senior year of high school. My shift was 5-9, and they weren't going to pay me to work any more than that. I got out of school at noon, and was supposed to go to work. My manager was cool, and would fill out the time slips and sign the papers. I had to be at work, but I wasn't going to get paid.
It just so happened that the stock room for the garage abutted the stock room for hardware, appliances and sporting goods. I appropriated some cardboard stove and fridge boxes, and created a fort. From the aisle, it appeared to be a stack of appliances. In reality, there was a fairly large open space, as I had cut out the back of several of the boxes. I grabbed a sleeping bag, some cushions and a radio, and made myself a camp. I usually spent the hours between 12 and 5 napping away to some Zeppelin.
I got an A in work study that year.
I was 17 when I worked at the Sears Auto Center. I was a stockroom clerk. I stocked tires, exhaust systems and car batteries. I worked the night shift, the shop manager was a drunk, the mechanics were drunks and loons, and my coworkers were fellow high school slackers.
One of my favorite activities at work was to pour lighter fluid down the exhaust pipes. We had a whole slew of them hanging on huge metal racks. One of my cohorts would climb the rolling ladder, dump the lighter fluid down the pipe and then step back as I held a lighter to the bottom end. The lighter fluid would ignite with a loud "whooping" sound, and shoot out 2 or 3 feet from each end. We stopped doing this one night when one of the other clerks lit the pipe too soon and the guy on the ladder got a tad singed.
Another past time was having dolly races up and down the aisles of tires. I drove smack into the shins of the shop manager one time. He stared at me, walked back into his office, and remained there for the rest of the shift.
We got pretty good at racing pallet jacks down the ramp out back. Rolling people down the same ramp after ringing them in snow tires would good for a laugh as well.
Sometimes we'd use the compression hoses to fire objects around the shop. Soda bottles, tire valves. Those valves hurt like hell when they nailed you.
When we weren't stocking shelves or fucking around, we swept out the bays at the end of the night. When the mechanic using that bay was done for the night, we'd put up the lift and clean.
One night I was leaning on the counter to the stockroom, absently watching my coworker Dana clean the bays. He was a tad slow. A really nice kid and actually quite bright. But his mind moved in low gear, and he was often not quite with us. He was holding down the lever to one of the lifts, staring off in space. He thought he was raising the lift in the bay he was standing in. He wasn't. It was for the lift next to it. Which had a car parked in it. At an angle. Not lined up on the lift.
It took a moment or two for me to register the car beginning to rise on one side. It had a fairly serious list by the time I started screaming Dana's name. By the time he looked up at me, smiled and waved, the car was about 3 feet off the ground on one side and rising fast. I started waving and pointing frantically, and other people in the shop started noticing and piping in. Dana finally turned and looked just as the car toppled over on to it's side, making a horrible crunching sound as the roof crumpled between the lifts.
True story.
There was one mechanic who did an oil change and forgot to refill the oil. The owner of the car realized his mistake about a mile or so from the garage when his engine seized. Sears was kind enough to retain this mechanic, asking only that he pay for and install a new engine for the customer.
They did, however, excuse him from work when he did it again a week later.
Another guy was filling a tire he had just changed. The tire lay flat on this machine while he used a compressor to fill it. He was having a rather animate chat with the guy in the bay next to him, leaning one arm on the tire as he talked. After a while, the tire exploded off of the machine and flew through the air fast enough to leave an imprint on the ceiling. The guy's arm was broken in 4 places.
I dressed a mannequin in one of my work uniforms and placed it in the trash compacter. As one of my coworkers held in the button to compact the trash, I let out a scream, threw some fake blood around and hid. He stopped the compacter, came running in, and screamed like a little girl.
Good times.
The best, though, was when I opted to take a work study my senior year of high school. My shift was 5-9, and they weren't going to pay me to work any more than that. I got out of school at noon, and was supposed to go to work. My manager was cool, and would fill out the time slips and sign the papers. I had to be at work, but I wasn't going to get paid.
It just so happened that the stock room for the garage abutted the stock room for hardware, appliances and sporting goods. I appropriated some cardboard stove and fridge boxes, and created a fort. From the aisle, it appeared to be a stack of appliances. In reality, there was a fairly large open space, as I had cut out the back of several of the boxes. I grabbed a sleeping bag, some cushions and a radio, and made myself a camp. I usually spent the hours between 12 and 5 napping away to some Zeppelin.
I got an A in work study that year.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Are you trying to kill my fucking kids?
Yet another massive recall of toys due to lead paint.
What the fuck? Seriously.
What the fuck? Seriously.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Death and .........
My, how things change when you become a home owner. Massachusetts has once again decided to hold it's allegedly economy spurring "Tax Free Weekend." That's right, folks. Anything you purchase ( excepting cars, tobacco products, meals and single items over $2,500) this weekend is tax free. You can keep the 5% sales tax. Buy or die!
In the past, I would have been tempted to drop some change on new CDs or DVDs. Maybe an electronic device or two. New toys for the kids. Or, more likely, I'd refrain from spending any extra money and stick with the usual slew of groceries, etc.
Today, I hit the Depot. Walked out with a 24ft extension ladder (for cleaning gutters and trimming trees), 2 aluminum storm doors, a gallon of exterior wood stain, a square, a level, a center punch, a hacksaw, and 2 reflective driveway markers.
I saved about $40, but the interest rate on the credit card will more than compensate for that.
Did I forget to say "woohoo?"
In the past, I would have been tempted to drop some change on new CDs or DVDs. Maybe an electronic device or two. New toys for the kids. Or, more likely, I'd refrain from spending any extra money and stick with the usual slew of groceries, etc.
Today, I hit the Depot. Walked out with a 24ft extension ladder (for cleaning gutters and trimming trees), 2 aluminum storm doors, a gallon of exterior wood stain, a square, a level, a center punch, a hacksaw, and 2 reflective driveway markers.
I saved about $40, but the interest rate on the credit card will more than compensate for that.
Did I forget to say "woohoo?"
Monday, August 06, 2007
WWJD?
Weymouth had it's first murder of 2007 yesterday. It seems Ryan Bois broke into a relatives house on Randall Street, rape and murdered his 6 year old cousin, and then stole the family's car with her naked, battered body in the back.
After a high speed chase through Quincy, this sick fucker was arrested.
In all seriousness, if you're a cop and you pull over a guy who has the naked, battered body of a six year old girl in the back seat, there's only one thing to do. Put a bullet in his mother fucking head.
End of story.
Not only am I a father of a little girl, we used to live just a couple of streets away. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if someone did this to my little girl, I would not stop until I had wrung every drop of life out of him.
There's no punishment that fits this crime. None.
After a high speed chase through Quincy, this sick fucker was arrested.
In all seriousness, if you're a cop and you pull over a guy who has the naked, battered body of a six year old girl in the back seat, there's only one thing to do. Put a bullet in his mother fucking head.
End of story.
Not only am I a father of a little girl, we used to live just a couple of streets away. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if someone did this to my little girl, I would not stop until I had wrung every drop of life out of him.
There's no punishment that fits this crime. None.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
100K
On Friday my odometer rolled over to 100,000 miles. I was directly in front of Collison Craft on Route 18 in Abington.
I half expected the car to pull a Blues Brothers and simply fall apart at that exact moment.
Alas, it did not.
So far, the weekend has managed to be both pleasurable and miserable. It's hot. Crazy, humid hot.
Friday night KG and I snuck off to my parent's house and went for a swim. That was a treat. Every now and then it's nice to get out of the house for no good reason. Today we had a birthday party for the boy. 4 years old now. He had a good time, and we only ended up with one extra kid running around for a while.
I half expected the car to pull a Blues Brothers and simply fall apart at that exact moment.
Alas, it did not.
So far, the weekend has managed to be both pleasurable and miserable. It's hot. Crazy, humid hot.
Friday night KG and I snuck off to my parent's house and went for a swim. That was a treat. Every now and then it's nice to get out of the house for no good reason. Today we had a birthday party for the boy. 4 years old now. He had a good time, and we only ended up with one extra kid running around for a while.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Cloverfield
I have to admit, I've gotten somewhat caught up in the buzz over 1-18-08.
I managed to find a piece (which I'm too lazy to re-find and link, my apologies to any stray googlers who ended up here.) which described shooting that was being done on Coney Island. The impression is that the movie is going to indeed be about a giant monster attacking New York City, only told from the perspective of a small group of friends with a camcorder. Told, in typical JJ style, in flashbacks. Mostly to the day before the attack.
I'm guessing that the movie will be primarily the flashbacks, broken up by the attack. It will probably end with us getting just the briefest glimpses of the monster, and no explanation as to what it is.
For the record, I think that would be about the coolest fucking thing ever.
I managed to find a piece (which I'm too lazy to re-find and link, my apologies to any stray googlers who ended up here.) which described shooting that was being done on Coney Island. The impression is that the movie is going to indeed be about a giant monster attacking New York City, only told from the perspective of a small group of friends with a camcorder. Told, in typical JJ style, in flashbacks. Mostly to the day before the attack.
I'm guessing that the movie will be primarily the flashbacks, broken up by the attack. It will probably end with us getting just the briefest glimpses of the monster, and no explanation as to what it is.
For the record, I think that would be about the coolest fucking thing ever.
What can you do with 130 minutes?
You could watch Conan the Barbarian.
You can learn that hypercarbia or mild hypothermia are ineffective in ATP recovery after ischemia.
You could watch The Perfect Storm.
You could take this picture.
You could melt a cube of frozen vinegar at room temperature.
Or, you could do what I did today and travel 10.1 miles from work to the kid's daycare.
As much as I miss the gang, that drive sucks my soul.
On the plus side, Pierce Brosnan is going to be narrating Thomas the Tank Engine next year, and the Yardbirds with Page and Beck will be touring.
Oh, and I got to hang out with the gang, and that was worth it.
You can learn that hypercarbia or mild hypothermia are ineffective in ATP recovery after ischemia.
You could watch The Perfect Storm.
You could take this picture.
You could melt a cube of frozen vinegar at room temperature.
Or, you could do what I did today and travel 10.1 miles from work to the kid's daycare.
As much as I miss the gang, that drive sucks my soul.
On the plus side, Pierce Brosnan is going to be narrating Thomas the Tank Engine next year, and the Yardbirds with Page and Beck will be touring.
Oh, and I got to hang out with the gang, and that was worth it.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Saturday Wrap-Up
It appears that the Island of Sodor is a bit, well... fey.
I wasn't expecting much from a stage show for toddlers, but I think it could have been better. At least TKJr enjoyed it.
We spent the better part of the day in downtown Boston. Jr. was well behaved, and it was a real treat. We had lunch with Names and wandered around the financial district. Both KG and I spent a lot of time there during our courtship, and it was interesting to see how much things have changed now that the Big Dig has been finished.
We stopped in at Newbury Comics and bought TKJr a $30 Transformer. I wasn't thrilled about the price tag, but he loves it. It's an old school (kind of) Autobot, Sun Streaker. He calls it Megatron.
It's a start.
It's 10PM, the kids are sleeping, and KG and I are hanging out listening to music. There appears to be something amiss with my iTunes, and it's bugging the shit out of me. Thankfully, I have 4,451 songs loaded, so we remain entertained.
Anyhow, that's all I got.
I wasn't expecting much from a stage show for toddlers, but I think it could have been better. At least TKJr enjoyed it.
We spent the better part of the day in downtown Boston. Jr. was well behaved, and it was a real treat. We had lunch with Names and wandered around the financial district. Both KG and I spent a lot of time there during our courtship, and it was interesting to see how much things have changed now that the Big Dig has been finished.
We stopped in at Newbury Comics and bought TKJr a $30 Transformer. I wasn't thrilled about the price tag, but he loves it. It's an old school (kind of) Autobot, Sun Streaker. He calls it Megatron.
It's a start.
It's 10PM, the kids are sleeping, and KG and I are hanging out listening to music. There appears to be something amiss with my iTunes, and it's bugging the shit out of me. Thankfully, I have 4,451 songs loaded, so we remain entertained.
Anyhow, that's all I got.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Tulips on my organ
What a week.
Today I closed SW, all by myself. They haven't closed for the last few months, and usually when they do close it's a hectic mess that final day.
At 9:05 this morning I cleared the last error.
I did a happy dance, I received applause from the girls who have listened to me ranting for the last week. My bosses... absent.
Oh well. I'm taking a vacation day tomorrow. I think I deserve it. My plan was to spend a day lounging on the couch i my boxers watching movies. However, I need to buy and install a wall mounted safety gate, and my lawn needs attention. I'd gripe, but I pretty much spent he whole day today poking around on the internet.
So, happy weekend y'all. Here's a little something for your amusement:
Today I closed SW, all by myself. They haven't closed for the last few months, and usually when they do close it's a hectic mess that final day.
At 9:05 this morning I cleared the last error.
I did a happy dance, I received applause from the girls who have listened to me ranting for the last week. My bosses... absent.
Oh well. I'm taking a vacation day tomorrow. I think I deserve it. My plan was to spend a day lounging on the couch i my boxers watching movies. However, I need to buy and install a wall mounted safety gate, and my lawn needs attention. I'd gripe, but I pretty much spent he whole day today poking around on the internet.
So, happy weekend y'all. Here's a little something for your amusement:
Friday, July 06, 2007
Considered for dismissal
One of my favorite tasks at work has nothing to do with my actual job description or position. It's a little duty I inherited from the last man to hold my title, and he dragged it with him for years until he got a well deserved cushy job.
Submitting parking tickets for dismissal.
It's a real treat. I get a charge out of reading the clinician's excuses. I get a totally inappropriate amount of glee (Glee, mind you! Real glee!) out of handing back the appeals that were denied. I make a point to hand deliver those.
Incidentally, I happened to actually read the Official Government Liaison Affidavit I sign and hand in every month with the tickets. It appears, unbeknownst to be until just now, that I hold an official government title. I am my company's "Official Liaison with the Office of the Parking Clerk for the City of Boston."
Cool. I'm recognized by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts as an Official Liaison. My first step on the path to galactic domination, no doubt.
At any rate, I was kindly enough to take the appeals home with me this weekend so I can mail them out on Monday. The written, or essay, portion of the appeal is a real treat. For your dubious pleasure, in my official capacity, I share:
" I was visiting a patient who lived on Commonwealth Ave. I parked on Newbury St. Prior to leaving my car I double checked signs and the one sign I saw was 'No parking in snow emergency' and 'No parking on Tuesdays between 2&7.' I would appreciate if this parking ticket could be considered for dismissal."
-Cited for parking in a loading zone
"I was visiting a patient and because of complications it took more than 2 hours to visit. It was 10:18am not PM."
-Time of violation 1:10PM
"I went to see patient who needed immediate service. I parked where there was a meter. When I came back I had a ticket. The street cleaning sign was twisted."
-It wasn't twisted when she parked there?
"While during the performance of my duties, I was doing a home visit to do a dressing changed that require being done at the same time each day. Due to the urgent nature of my visit I was forced to park where I did after driving around for 20 minutes looking for a spot so I could deliver nursing care to the patient."
-Read that first sentence three times fast. I dare you.
"I was ordered by MD to see a patient s/p laminectomy w/ increased pain. No other parking available in the area."
-Confuse the clerk with jargon. I'm impressed.
"I had parked to do a mandatory patient visit, deposited $.50 into the meter. Upon my return, I found I had been ticketed. I had prominently displayed my {name withheld} sign in the dashboard."
-The sign was in the glove box?
"I work for the {name withheld} as a physical therapist. It was of utmost importance that on 6/22/07 I visit my patient. There was an emergency situation that could have caused a fall for an elderly patient, and/or potential for injury. Please excuse it was an emergency."
-Cited for blocking a handicap ramp. Note the irony.
"Urgent Occupational Therapy visit per MD order to address safety in patient's home after recent return home from hospital. No visitor parking available."
-Note: She was ticketed at 11:53PM
Submitting parking tickets for dismissal.
It's a real treat. I get a charge out of reading the clinician's excuses. I get a totally inappropriate amount of glee (Glee, mind you! Real glee!) out of handing back the appeals that were denied. I make a point to hand deliver those.
Incidentally, I happened to actually read the Official Government Liaison Affidavit I sign and hand in every month with the tickets. It appears, unbeknownst to be until just now, that I hold an official government title. I am my company's "Official Liaison with the Office of the Parking Clerk for the City of Boston."
Cool. I'm recognized by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts as an Official Liaison. My first step on the path to galactic domination, no doubt.
At any rate, I was kindly enough to take the appeals home with me this weekend so I can mail them out on Monday. The written, or essay, portion of the appeal is a real treat. For your dubious pleasure, in my official capacity, I share:
" I was visiting a patient who lived on Commonwealth Ave. I parked on Newbury St. Prior to leaving my car I double checked signs and the one sign I saw was 'No parking in snow emergency' and 'No parking on Tuesdays between 2&7.' I would appreciate if this parking ticket could be considered for dismissal."
-Cited for parking in a loading zone
"I was visiting a patient and because of complications it took more than 2 hours to visit. It was 10:18am not PM."
-Time of violation 1:10PM
"I went to see patient who needed immediate service. I parked where there was a meter. When I came back I had a ticket. The street cleaning sign was twisted."
-It wasn't twisted when she parked there?
"While during the performance of my duties, I was doing a home visit to do a dressing changed that require being done at the same time each day. Due to the urgent nature of my visit I was forced to park where I did after driving around for 20 minutes looking for a spot so I could deliver nursing care to the patient."
-Read that first sentence three times fast. I dare you.
"I was ordered by MD to see a patient s/p laminectomy w/ increased pain. No other parking available in the area."
-Confuse the clerk with jargon. I'm impressed.
"I had parked to do a mandatory patient visit, deposited $.50 into the meter. Upon my return, I found I had been ticketed. I had prominently displayed my {name withheld} sign in the dashboard."
-The sign was in the glove box?
"I work for the {name withheld} as a physical therapist. It was of utmost importance that on 6/22/07 I visit my patient. There was an emergency situation that could have caused a fall for an elderly patient, and/or potential for injury. Please excuse it was an emergency."
-Cited for blocking a handicap ramp. Note the irony.
"Urgent Occupational Therapy visit per MD order to address safety in patient's home after recent return home from hospital. No visitor parking available."
-Note: She was ticketed at 11:53PM
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
For all my niggas & bitches
Oh, a few hundred years ago a bunch of drunken blue bloods left the bars, gathered arms and told the King to go fuck himself.
Tonight, I'll pour a forty of Sam Adams on the curb in honor of y'all. If only one of you was around today to see the crazy shit we gave ourselves with your new found freedom.
Tonight, for the first time, KG and I are hanging out in our new place, creating a vibe and relaxing. Music is on, the beer is flowing, the babes sleeping. Life is good.
So, I wish those special few who have wandered into my life a very happy fourth. Let loose, enjoy, be safe. And tell you neighbors it's finally OK to blow their damn fingers off.
Tonight, I'll pour a forty of Sam Adams on the curb in honor of y'all. If only one of you was around today to see the crazy shit we gave ourselves with your new found freedom.
Tonight, for the first time, KG and I are hanging out in our new place, creating a vibe and relaxing. Music is on, the beer is flowing, the babes sleeping. Life is good.
So, I wish those special few who have wandered into my life a very happy fourth. Let loose, enjoy, be safe. And tell you neighbors it's finally OK to blow their damn fingers off.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Artfully Chilling
Now that I have myself a rec room, I figured it was high time to acquire a mini fridge to keep my beer cold and handy. After several weeks of trolling craigslist I finally came across one I liked. 4.3 cubic feet of chilly storage, and it's a functioning piece of art!
-Fridge, Acrylic on refrigerator 2001
Thank you, Andrea. I'll be making good use of this tonight.
-Fridge, Acrylic on refrigerator 2001Thank you, Andrea. I'll be making good use of this tonight.
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