So long '07

Another year draws itself to a close.

I've got no complaints. 2007 saw us buy our own house. Good friends moved back home. The kids grew, our families survived.

I've got no great expectations or resolutions for 2008, other than to take it as it comes. One day at a time.

Picked up the Land of the Dead game for the XBox. It's tough. I've been getting served by a bunch of zombies. I'll need to dedicate a night or two to some serious game play if I hope to make any progress.

I also got both From Hell and V for Vendetta for Christmas. Read them both already. I've grown to be a huge fan of Alan Moore now. Thinking about doing a V costume for Halloween. The challenge there being doing an authentic comic version versus the film.

Currently, the search is on for an affordable wood burning stove for the office. It remains to be seen if that will come to pass.

Merry Meme

Mycalls posted this, so I'll share the yule cheer.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Paper for the kids, bags for everyone else.

2. Real tree or Artificial? Real tree and wreath this year.

3. When do you put up the tree? The second weekend of December, usually.

4. When do you take the tree down? In the past, when it was good and dead. This year I suspect it'll be sooner.

5. Do you like egg nog? Hood's new gingerbread flavored is really good.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Anything Star Wars, most of which I still have. And the aforementioned Green Machine.

7. Do you have a nativity scene? We have an incomplete one somewhere. I was thinking of filling in the missing players with action figures.

8. Hardest person to buy for? My parents. They really don't need any more shit.

9. Easiest person to buy for? The kids. They're more than willing to express their desires.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail this year. usually I just forget all together.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? My grandmother gave me a horrid sweater one year. Damn near scarred me for life.

12. Favorite Christmas movie? It's a toss up between A Christmas Story and It's a Wonderful Life.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? In earnest around mid November.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Indeed.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Italian cookies. Eggnog, pumpkin pie.

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? We usually have clear, but the kids voted for colored this year.

17. Favorite Christmas song? "Merry Fucking Christmas" from the South Park Mr. Hankey album. "Happy Xmas (War is Over)" still gets me, mostly because it's always relevant.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? We do a bit of traveling.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? Did I mention I have kids? That'd be a yes.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Last year we had a Darth Vader head. This year, a star.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? morning.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? People being rude because they are so frazzled... it seems to get worse every year.

23. Favorite ornament theme or color? I've got a boatload of Star Wars ornaments. Enough said.

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? Homemade pizza and chocolate soy milk. That'll do just fine.

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? A wood burning stove would keep me happy

All I want for Christmas Part 2

Is to be small enough to take one of these for a spin again. I had many a great adventure on my Green Machine.

Cloverfield Clip

Always Look On the Bright Side

Sure, it's only the first week of December and we've had a solid week of sub-freezing temps and varying amounts of that silly white stuff kids seem to love. It's been unpleasant and a bit of an adjustment, true. But on the plus side, it's perfect zombie weather. If this was post outbreak, most of the zombies would be frozen now. The ones that were still mobile would be very slow. Sure, it wouldn't be totally safe, but you could move around pretty freely and be able to off a good number of them.

Not a bad thing. Not a bad thing at all.

I'll up the positive ante by mentioning I am also the proud owner of a pretty good sledding hill. It's not giant, but a plastic saucer would get you flying pretty good. In addition, there'll be enough snow to create an army or two of three foot snowmen.

Pretty, pretty good.

My Little Girl

Kids are funny.

Last night I stopped by Newbury Comics with Isabel. I had a few presents to pick up for co-workers, and I figured she wouldn't mind tagging along. As we were walking down one of the toy aisles, she spotted a plush doll and demanded to get down so she could see it. She grabbed it off the shelf, clutched it tight and started repeating "Baby doll! baby doll!" I couldn't get her to let go of it. She was in love. With this:


Nicholas, three years older than her, is scared of it. Isabel loves it so much, she slept with it all night, holding it in her arms.

You never can tell.

All I want for Christmas

Is the return of the Sears Wish Book



PS: Plush Pac Man is hungry for you

Stupid Couch

The behemoth has returned. When KG and I had our first apartment together, and she was preggers, we bought this huge as couch from Jordan's. It's big. It's been sitting in my parent's garage for years because we couldn't fit it through the door at our last apartment.

I haven't missed it.

Now, after finally getting our office/rec room in order, the bastard has been returned to me.

I'm not happy, yo.

All wrapped up

KG and I managed to take care of 90% of our Santa shopping in one fell swoop. Hopefully everything is lead free.

Tonight I'm wrapping presents and finally cleaning up all my music files. Stupid iTunes went all shitty on me. The plus side is it finally got me to organize everything and clean up some excess files. A chore I'd been putting off for some time.

I'm tired. Really fucking tired. I should go to bed. But I won't.

Tis the season

I'm not sure what exactly is behind it, but I seem to have a bit of the Christmas spirit this year.

I'm no Grinch to begin with, but it's rare for me to feel festive.

Perhaps it'll pass.

I wish turkey only cost a nickle

Happy turkey day, y'all. Hope everyone has a pleasant holiday.

And remember to thankful, dammit.

Gimme some loving

Is that asking too much? Eh?

48%

Looking for payday loans?

Where my fingernails live

Kids say and do weird things, without a doubt.

TKJr. came walking into the living room after having gone to bed tonight. He wanted me to come in his room so he could show me something. The following conversation occurred:

"What did you want to show me, honey?"
"I want to show you where my fingernails live."
"Umm, OK. Where do they live?"
"You tell me."
"I don't know, I thought you wanted to tell me."
"You tell me."
"On your fingers?"
"No, the ones I peel off."
"I don't know. Where do they live?"
"Under my pillow!"

He then proceeded to show me a little collection of 4 or 5 fingernail ends he had peeled off and stashed under his pillow.

Weird kid.

What is wrong with these kids?

Yesterday I was pulled out of work by a call from TKJr's preschool. Seems he puked, so I had to bring him home.

Of course, once we got home, he was all about playing and not resting.

In the wee hours of this morning, he was coughing in his sleep, and Izzy (in bed with us) woke up shivering, puking and crying. She had a fever of almost 103. So, both KG and I stayed home so we could take these two to the doctor.

Junior gets diagnosed with a sinus infection, Izzy probably the same thing. We get them home, and after a mini nap, they spend the rest of the night running around, being general pains in the ass.

I'm exhausted, stressed, my back is killing me, and I doubt I'll get a good night's sleep. Little girl is already in bed with KG while I sit down here tugging on a beer. To boot, my nose is starting to drip.

I actually would have preferred to be at work today.

You got my vote, brother

RIP Paul Tibbets

Brigadier General Paul Tibbets (USAF, Ret) died today at the age of 92. Godspeed to you, good sir.

I grew up in the shadow of nuclear annihilation. During the late 70's and through the 80's, the threat of global thermonuclear war seemed very real and very frightening. Being a morbid child by nature, I was slightly obsessed with nuclear war.

Until recently, I was revolted by the fact that America had dropped atomic bombs on the citizens of Japan. The thought that 100,000 people could die in an instant is a horror nearly impossible to comprehend. Innocent civilians, children, vaporized. Hundreds of thousands more suffering and dying for generations after.

Then I learned about the Japanese and their quest to conquer the world. I learned about their mindset, their culture. The lengths they went to in fighting their war. The lengths they were prepared to go to to avoid surrender.

Suddenly the Little Boy and Fat Man made a lot of sense.

All Things Considered did a piece on him this afternoon. When countering the charge that the dropping of the atomic bomb was immoral, Tibbets made a remark that really moved me. He said somrthing to the effect that "first you have to consider that there is no morality in war. War itself is immoral."

That it is.

When all is said in done, no nuclear device has ever been used in conflict since the surrender of Japan. For that, we should all be thankful.

Paul Tibbets lived with the burden of ushering in the nuclear age. He appeared to accept it.

Hurm

Rorschach's Journal October 31, 2007

Woke up early. Arrived at work and prepared for the day's events.
Found myself surrounded by flying monkeys. Hallucination? Must investigate further.

Sexy Mustard

It Approaches

Halloween is almost here. KG and I are still trying to decide who is staying home to pass out candy. If she stays, I'm donning the TK and making the rounds with the kids. If I stay home, it'll probably be the zombie costume and loud spooky music to scare the trick or treaters. Of course, I'm hoping for the latter.

My costume is almost complete. Gave it a test fit, and it looks good. Mask is done. Coat is weathered. Hat and gloves fit. Just need to clean up the pin and apply the blood, and find some pants.

The whole project ended up being more trouble than anticipated, but it looks good. That's all that counts.

Ketchup

So, let's see. Since the last time I blogged...

We've had weather consistently in the high 70's. So much for fall. Every tree on the South Shore is turning, except the 42 in my yard. I still haven't taken the blower out of the trunk.

I spent Saturday moving all of my shit out of my parent's garage. One trailer full, and now it's all up in my attic. Not too bad. Mice got into a number of boxes. So far, the worst of the damage was to an old pith helmet. That had to be tossed. They ate a promotional "Devil Woman" chocolate bar that I got when Crumb was released on VHS. Yes, VHS. Remember 1994?

I found my original Coleco game system. That was covered in mouse shit and piss, but doesn't seemed to be damaged. After I clean it up, I'll give either Donkey Kong or Dig Dug a test run.

I rediscovered several boxes full of potential money. Old comics and action figures, etc. I made a point of putting every thing in the attic, although I was sorely tempted to dump in all in the office so I could dig through it.

The one thing I did do, just tonight, was to set up my dart board. I'm a bit rusty, but after a week or so I should be back up to snuff.

Good times, y'all. Good times.

Yeah, it's fall alright

All in all we had a pretty nice weekend over here. Had Friday off for my sister-in-law's wedding. It was at a chapel in Sudsbury. Very pretty. It rained the whole drive up, but the sun came out just in time for the ceremony, so that was cool.

The reception was fun. J & C gave me a Holiday Vader figure. He's red! TKJr was a big hit. He was a dancing fool.

Saturday was fairly uneventful. I hammered some nails and cut some wood.

Today, we bundled up and headed out to a local farm to do some pumpkin picking. Both kids got nice, large pumpkins. On the way home, I grabbed some firewood and we had our first fire in the fireplace.

Oh, and I bought a leaf blower. So, yeah, fall is here alright. I'm sipping a Post Road Pumpkin Ale and freezing my ass off out in the office.

I made the local paper!

Much to my bemusement, the Patriot Ledger published an article about Weymouth After Dark today, with a nice big picture of me. You can see it here.

When I got home today, I got a call from FP informing me that not only was the article in today's paper, but the picture was on the front page. So, I hopped in the car and headed for the Qwiki Mart. They were sold out. I went to 2 other sundry stores, and they were out as well. On my way to a fourth store, I passed a Ledger paper box on the corner. Sure enough, prominently displayed in the window of the machine was yours truly.

Zany.

A little late in the season

During my fruitless search for a freaking Spongebob costume yesterday, I was informed by one not so helpful employee of Halloween Express that it was a little late in the season.

Excuse me? Season? Late? As of yesterday, there were 23 days left until All Hallow's Eve.

Hurm.

At any rate, I ordered the costume from their website, and received an email today informing me that it had shipped.

In other seasonal news, my costume is slowly coming together. I got my face mask in the mail today. I'd be happy, except they sent me the wrong model. I ordered a closed face mask, and that's not what I got. We'll see how that works out.

What am I going as, you ask?

Now With 30% Less Snark!

So, I got a talking to from my boss today.

It would appear that my reputation at work is at stake due to my tendency to run my mouth. I have caused offense by making blunt, off the cuff remarks about coworkers. I have thrown people under the bus in an attempt to force senior management in to dealing with some of our biggest problems. I have been honest.

I have developed a bit of an attitude.

Duly noted.

My eval is due in a couple of months. I'm counting on that almighty 5% raise. So, if a kinder, gentler me is what they want, a kinder, gentler me they will get.

You want a team player? I'll be the "I" in team. You want me to play nice and play by the rules? OK. No prob, Bob.

Since the end result will be more money in my pocket and less acid in my stomach, I'm game. I'm going to let go of the stress, and just do what I'm paid to do. Shit, I'll be the hap-hap-happiest asshole that ever worked there. It might actually be fun.

Unexplained bacon

So, I checked in mycall's blog and discovered a meme. It's been a while since I posted one, so here it be.


Does someone love you?
Yes, indeed. That's the grease that keeps my wheels turning.

Do you know anyone named Dave?
I do.

Ever kissed anyone with the name starting with a J?
I did. A few times.

Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member?
My father many, many times.

What colour are the walls of your parent's bedroom?
Huh? Off white, I think.

Do you think that hair extensions look skanky?
There's one girl at work that looks dynamite in them. Not my thing really, but some people can pull it off

Are you named after a grandparent?
Nope, for a saint who is no longer a saint.

Say you were given a drug test right now. Would you pass or fail?
I keep talking about quitting my job to work at Home Depot. They wouldn't hire me.

Are you taller than 5'6"?
By 3 inches..

Do you know anyone in jail/prison?
Not that I'm aware of. But that's just because they haven't been caught.

Ever see a dead body?
Hundreds of them.

Do you like the colour green?
I do.

What is your best friend's Dad's name?
Bill.

How old are you?
34.

Who was the last person to send you a text message?
KG when we were playing with our new phones.

Ever drove into the ghetto to buy drugs?
I used to work in Bridgeport, CT. So yes.

Last restaurant you went to?
China Pearl, which used to be International Buffet. I usually wouldn't suggest International Buffet, but this one was attached to a Chinese supermarket and had really good food.

What is the weather like today?
Foggy morning breaking up into midday sun. In the high sixties.

Last voice mail you received?
A clinician with a problem which I ignored.

What did you do yesterday?
Woke up, went to work, got in trouble, picked up Belly from daycare, went home, had dinner, watched the last installment of The War, cruised Fark, went to bed.

What's the first thing you would do with five million dollars?
I really don't know. I'd probably buy something foolish. Because I could.

What nationalities are you?
Heinz 57.

How many hours did you sleep for last night?
5

Any upcoming concerts you want to attend?
I'd love to see the Zepp reunion.

Who's the last person that you felt was stalking you?
My ex wife.

What jewellery are you wearing?
My wedding ring. That's it.

If all of your friends were going on a road trip, would you?
Depends on where they were going.

How much money do you have?
Not nearly enough

Do you swear at your parents?
If they ask for it.

Is your phone right beside you?
yes, I'm on call tonight.

Have you cried today?
I had to pretend to cry to entertain TKJr..

Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?
Probably not. That's not a bad thing.

Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off?
Never!

What is the colour of your bedsheets?
Beige.

Have you ever crawled through a window?
Many times.

Are you photogenic?
I guess.

What's your star sign?
Aquarius.

Where do you spend most of your money?
Home repairs.

What was the last thing you did?
Scratched my balls.

Do you have a tattoo?
Three. You want details? A tribal dragon on my right shoulder, Kokopelli on my left arm, and a bluebird on my right arm with Belly's name.

Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday mornings?
I have kids.

Is there a secret you've never told any of your friends?
Possibly.

Have you ever told someone you loved them but didn't mean it?
Nope.

Have you ever changed your clothes while in a vehicle?
On occasion.

What are you doing in 2008?
Sleeping, hopefully.

What is your ring tone?
The Imperial March

What were you doing at 2am last night?
Drooling into my pillow.

Are your parents married/divorced/separated?
Divorced, remarried, divorced again, remarried.

What are you doing tonight?
Catching up on Curb Your Enthusiasm, smoking butts and typing out a meme.

What are you doing tomorrow?
Same shit.

Who did you last message on Myspace?
An old friend from high school.

What's your opinion on sex without emotional commitment?
Why the hell not?

Does it annoy you when someone says they'll call but never do?
Not really.

What did you dress up as for your first Halloween?
The Lone Ranger.

Favourite Disney movie?
Cars

What is the wallpaper on your cellphone?
"Cyberspace"

Ball Buster!

Who the fuck are you?

KG dropped off two rolls of pictures at CVS. When I popped the CDs in to upload the pictures, one was not my children.

Looks like someone had a good time in Vegas.

Me and My Girl

Fireside Thoughts

My week long sabbatical has come to an end. I'm not usually one to take a vacation purely for shits and giggles, but this one was needed.

Work has been tiresome and grating for far too long. I've been in a rut and squeezed too tight. I needed a week off to clear my head. It seems to have done some good.

I bought some new clothes and tended to some of the many chores here that needed doing. There are still too many left to name, but I feel like I've made some progress.

TKJr survived his first week of preschool, and actually seems to be enjoying it. We took him to Edaville yesterday for the Day Out With Thomas. Both kids enjoyed it.

I fucked up my back pretty good on Friday digging out the front yard. It's on the mend now.

Although not entirely rested, I feel refreshed. My head is screwed on more or less straight, and I'm ready to dive back into this thing called life.

The difference between cats and dogs

It's quite simple really, so please forgive the gross generalization.

Men do dumb shit as much as they can get away with.

Women do what's necessary, and then have some fun.


So guys, be mindful of your priorities, and don't begrudge a woman her down time.

Ladies, keep and eye on those boys, and don't begrudge yourself your down time.

Not Enough Undead

I'm a little disappointed in myself. i just searched through my post tags for zombie entries, and found only three.

Considering I have more than a passing interest in the subject, this was a bit of a surprise.

Oddly enough, what spurred this was the fact that if you do a google search for "warm-blooded animals," my blog comes up with a post about defending the apartment we lived in in Weymouth. Strange.

We've since moved. Although I am proud to be a home owner, I am sorry to report that our current domicile would have to be abandoned in the event of an outbreak. There is no reasonable way to defend this house. It's one story, with three front doors. The basement level has a glass slider and a large front window. I've got lots of wood, but it's too risky. Flight is the only option.

So I'm reworking my plan.

On an interesting side note, I was revisiting the Bridgewater Triangle last night. If you follow the link and check out the map, you'll note that the top of the triangle is in Abington. Further examination shows that the exact point of the triangle falls on the intersections of Route 18 and Route 123.

That's pretty much where we live.

The Great Zombie Debate

Because it's not a question of if, but a question of when.

Best Fan Film. Ever.

My cousin Mat is back from boot camp . He's a private 2nd Class, United States Army, now. He's a good kid, and still a kid at heart even at 21. My aunt and uncle had a cookout, and Mat assured there was a huge inflatable bouncing house (shaped like a purple dragon).

TKJr spent the entire day in there, jumping to his content. Let me tell you, his content is HUGE. He requested that I join him several times. I reluctantly agreed. At one point, I had 4 little kids shooting me and blasting me with Force powers to knock me over so they could pig pile me.

It turns out Star Wars is popular with the youngins. I didn't bring it up, nor was I wearing a SW T shirt today. I was pleasantly surprised, and delighted to join in and try to convince them that the Jedi are the bad guys.

Had I know, I would have brought my armor.

At any rate, TKJr had a blast, and wore himself out jumping all day. Isabel entertained herself with my cousins' 2 cats and dog. She loves puppies.

Last night I watched Rob Zombie's Halloween. I was a tad closed minded going in, I must admit. Some movies can stand a remake. Some, however, are damn near perfect the first time around and don't need to be retold. Halloween was perfect. It stands the test of time. It's unsettling and frightening in it's simplicity. The Shape: Heartless, remorseless, relentless. A blank face with no eyes that just did not stop.

His origin was disturbing because of it's simplicity. Just the notion that some generic middle class suburban family could produce a sociopath of such monstrous proportion out of thin air was scary. That one night he unleashed his demon, and then quietly brooded for fifteen years before unleashing it again.

Zombie went in a different direction. He lowered the tax bracket of the Myers family, and spent the first third of the movie humanizing Michael. You get to know the boy. You begin to feel for him a bit, though you're shown pretty damn quick what a monster he already is.

Rob then quickly blows through the rest of the movie, dispensing with most of, if not all, the character development of the original. Sadly, he also dispenses with everything that made the original scary. There's no fear to be had here, just the thrill of watching a madman go to work.

Not that that is without it's charms. I'm just saying.

What am I saying? I didn't dislike it. In fact, I rather enjoyed it. It was engaging, well executed, and I liked it. Most importantly, it didn't shit on the original. Zombie took his favorite movie and put his own stamp on it. I'm cool with that.

What the fuck was that?

So, it's just a little before 10 on a Thursday night. KG and I are hanging out in the office with the door open, enjoying a quiet evening. Suddenly there is a screech of tires and a horrific crunching boom right in our driveway.

I'm glad I wasn't carrying a turd. It might have squeezed out.

I rushed out the door in time to see a dark SUV tearing up the street with a blown tire. Pieces of hubcap and rearview mirror were all over our driveway and the street. There's a good chunk missing out of the telephone pole at the end of our driveway.

This asswipe was apparently bombing down our street on the wrong side of the road.

I called the cops, who just showed up. It appears the driver crashed in Whitman and is under arrest for DUI. The officer collected some evidence from my driveway, and went on his way.

Excitement she wrote!

A new addition to the family.

No, KG is not pregnant.

However, my father has remarried (third time's a charm?).

Here's a pic of all of us from a couple of weekends ago when they came to visit.

Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity

Forgive me if I'm mistaken, but I believe the slogan was "G.I. Joe, Real American Hero."

Stephen Sommers can nibble the poo pills off my hairy, sweaty ass. Mother fucker.

The only childhood toy that cam close to rivaling my Star Wars obsession was GI Joe. Fact is, Joe pretty much eclipsed my SW craze. The Hasbro line went into high gear between Empire and Jedi. After Jedi came out, I got a few figures, but no playsets or vehicles. On the other hand, I had tons of GI Joes. I even had the damn base. I loved those guys.

The cartoon was the standard 80's shit, but the comic book truly rocked.

When I first heard rumblings of a movie, I didn't hold out much hope for something good. But this shit is just retarded. Seriously.

Why do we always need to update things? A Joe movie based on the comic book would be cool. If you're looking to reignite the franchise, go with the nostalgia. Bring to flesh and blood what we loved as children.

If you have to update, make it relevant, OK. You could pull that off with a little imagination.

But Sommer's vision: Festering shit heaps.

For the love of all that is PVC, someone give me a live action GI Joe TV show. Do the comics, man. You want to update it, fine. Snake Eyes lost his face in Iraq. Cobra is a domestic terrorist organization using the distraction of the War on Terror to destabilize the US. The GI Joe unit is culled from our current military ranks, misfit weapons geniuses and computer hackers, etc, who don't fit in well, but are the best in the military.

IT COULD WORK!

Fuck me sideways

More to come about this abortion.

Home Improvement

I'm almost afraid to say it, but this place is finally starting to shape up. Last weekend I installed storm doors on the front of the house. KG's mother and her boyfriend came up during the week and replaced all the rotting boards on the deck and power washed 10+ years of scum off of it. It looks almost new. Today they replaced the patio slider. Not only does it actually slide now, but it has a screen. No more bugs in the house!

This weekend they're coming up again and we'll start replacing all the windows.

The backyard looks pretty good. We acquired a wooden swing set and a kiddie pool. The fence has been repaired, and we have new wooden steps covering up the busted brick ones.

Once we get the windows done, the only major thing left is the roof. Then we can start with all the updating and cosmetics.

Our little home feels more like a home every day.

Thought I'd something more to say...

My apologies. It would appear I didn't.

Zen and the art of slack

Story time, kids. I was recently reminded of all the fun I used to have when I worked at Sears, so I thought I'd share a tale or two.

I was 17 when I worked at the Sears Auto Center. I was a stockroom clerk. I stocked tires, exhaust systems and car batteries. I worked the night shift, the shop manager was a drunk, the mechanics were drunks and loons, and my coworkers were fellow high school slackers.

One of my favorite activities at work was to pour lighter fluid down the exhaust pipes. We had a whole slew of them hanging on huge metal racks. One of my cohorts would climb the rolling ladder, dump the lighter fluid down the pipe and then step back as I held a lighter to the bottom end. The lighter fluid would ignite with a loud "whooping" sound, and shoot out 2 or 3 feet from each end. We stopped doing this one night when one of the other clerks lit the pipe too soon and the guy on the ladder got a tad singed.

Another past time was having dolly races up and down the aisles of tires. I drove smack into the shins of the shop manager one time. He stared at me, walked back into his office, and remained there for the rest of the shift.

We got pretty good at racing pallet jacks down the ramp out back. Rolling people down the same ramp after ringing them in snow tires would good for a laugh as well.

Sometimes we'd use the compression hoses to fire objects around the shop. Soda bottles, tire valves. Those valves hurt like hell when they nailed you.

When we weren't stocking shelves or fucking around, we swept out the bays at the end of the night. When the mechanic using that bay was done for the night, we'd put up the lift and clean.

One night I was leaning on the counter to the stockroom, absently watching my coworker Dana clean the bays. He was a tad slow. A really nice kid and actually quite bright. But his mind moved in low gear, and he was often not quite with us. He was holding down the lever to one of the lifts, staring off in space. He thought he was raising the lift in the bay he was standing in. He wasn't. It was for the lift next to it. Which had a car parked in it. At an angle. Not lined up on the lift.

It took a moment or two for me to register the car beginning to rise on one side. It had a fairly serious list by the time I started screaming Dana's name. By the time he looked up at me, smiled and waved, the car was about 3 feet off the ground on one side and rising fast. I started waving and pointing frantically, and other people in the shop started noticing and piping in. Dana finally turned and looked just as the car toppled over on to it's side, making a horrible crunching sound as the roof crumpled between the lifts.

True story.

There was one mechanic who did an oil change and forgot to refill the oil. The owner of the car realized his mistake about a mile or so from the garage when his engine seized. Sears was kind enough to retain this mechanic, asking only that he pay for and install a new engine for the customer.

They did, however, excuse him from work when he did it again a week later.

Another guy was filling a tire he had just changed. The tire lay flat on this machine while he used a compressor to fill it. He was having a rather animate chat with the guy in the bay next to him, leaning one arm on the tire as he talked. After a while, the tire exploded off of the machine and flew through the air fast enough to leave an imprint on the ceiling. The guy's arm was broken in 4 places.

I dressed a mannequin in one of my work uniforms and placed it in the trash compacter. As one of my coworkers held in the button to compact the trash, I let out a scream, threw some fake blood around and hid. He stopped the compacter, came running in, and screamed like a little girl.

Good times.

The best, though, was when I opted to take a work study my senior year of high school. My shift was 5-9, and they weren't going to pay me to work any more than that. I got out of school at noon, and was supposed to go to work. My manager was cool, and would fill out the time slips and sign the papers. I had to be at work, but I wasn't going to get paid.

It just so happened that the stock room for the garage abutted the stock room for hardware, appliances and sporting goods. I appropriated some cardboard stove and fridge boxes, and created a fort. From the aisle, it appeared to be a stack of appliances. In reality, there was a fairly large open space, as I had cut out the back of several of the boxes. I grabbed a sleeping bag, some cushions and a radio, and made myself a camp. I usually spent the hours between 12 and 5 napping away to some Zeppelin.

I got an A in work study that year.

Are you trying to kill my fucking kids?

Yet another massive recall of toys due to lead paint.

What the fuck? Seriously.

Death and .........

My, how things change when you become a home owner. Massachusetts has once again decided to hold it's allegedly economy spurring "Tax Free Weekend." That's right, folks. Anything you purchase ( excepting cars, tobacco products, meals and single items over $2,500) this weekend is tax free. You can keep the 5% sales tax. Buy or die!

In the past, I would have been tempted to drop some change on new CDs or DVDs. Maybe an electronic device or two. New toys for the kids. Or, more likely, I'd refrain from spending any extra money and stick with the usual slew of groceries, etc.

Today, I hit the Depot. Walked out with a 24ft extension ladder (for cleaning gutters and trimming trees), 2 aluminum storm doors, a gallon of exterior wood stain, a square, a level, a center punch, a hacksaw, and 2 reflective driveway markers.

I saved about $40, but the interest rate on the credit card will more than compensate for that.

Did I forget to say "woohoo?"

WWJD?

Weymouth had it's first murder of 2007 yesterday. It seems Ryan Bois broke into a relatives house on Randall Street, rape and murdered his 6 year old cousin, and then stole the family's car with her naked, battered body in the back.

After a high speed chase through Quincy, this sick fucker was arrested.

In all seriousness, if you're a cop and you pull over a guy who has the naked, battered body of a six year old girl in the back seat, there's only one thing to do. Put a bullet in his mother fucking head.

End of story.

Not only am I a father of a little girl, we used to live just a couple of streets away. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that if someone did this to my little girl, I would not stop until I had wrung every drop of life out of him.

There's no punishment that fits this crime. None.

100K

On Friday my odometer rolled over to 100,000 miles. I was directly in front of Collison Craft on Route 18 in Abington.

I half expected the car to pull a Blues Brothers and simply fall apart at that exact moment.

Alas, it did not.

So far, the weekend has managed to be both pleasurable and miserable. It's hot. Crazy, humid hot.

Friday night KG and I snuck off to my parent's house and went for a swim. That was a treat. Every now and then it's nice to get out of the house for no good reason. Today we had a birthday party for the boy. 4 years old now. He had a good time, and we only ended up with one extra kid running around for a while.

Cloverfield

I have to admit, I've gotten somewhat caught up in the buzz over 1-18-08.

I managed to find a piece (which I'm too lazy to re-find and link, my apologies to any stray googlers who ended up here.) which described shooting that was being done on Coney Island. The impression is that the movie is going to indeed be about a giant monster attacking New York City, only told from the perspective of a small group of friends with a camcorder. Told, in typical JJ style, in flashbacks. Mostly to the day before the attack.

I'm guessing that the movie will be primarily the flashbacks, broken up by the attack. It will probably end with us getting just the briefest glimpses of the monster, and no explanation as to what it is.

For the record, I think that would be about the coolest fucking thing ever.

What can you do with 130 minutes?

You could watch Conan the Barbarian.

You can learn that hypercarbia or mild hypothermia are ineffective in ATP recovery after ischemia.

You could watch The Perfect Storm.

You could take this picture.

You could melt a cube of frozen vinegar at room temperature.

Or, you could do what I did today and travel 10.1 miles from work to the kid's daycare.

As much as I miss the gang, that drive sucks my soul.

On the plus side, Pierce Brosnan is going to be narrating Thomas the Tank Engine next year, and the Yardbirds with Page and Beck will be touring.

Oh, and I got to hang out with the gang, and that was worth it.

Saturday Wrap-Up

It appears that the Island of Sodor is a bit, well... fey.

I wasn't expecting much from a stage show for toddlers, but I think it could have been better. At least TKJr enjoyed it.

We spent the better part of the day in downtown Boston. Jr. was well behaved, and it was a real treat. We had lunch with Names and wandered around the financial district. Both KG and I spent a lot of time there during our courtship, and it was interesting to see how much things have changed now that the Big Dig has been finished.

We stopped in at Newbury Comics and bought TKJr a $30 Transformer. I wasn't thrilled about the price tag, but he loves it. It's an old school (kind of) Autobot, Sun Streaker. He calls it Megatron.

It's a start.

It's 10PM, the kids are sleeping, and KG and I are hanging out listening to music. There appears to be something amiss with my iTunes, and it's bugging the shit out of me. Thankfully, I have 4,451 songs loaded, so we remain entertained.

Anyhow, that's all I got.

How I spent my Saturday

Tulips on my organ

What a week.

Today I closed SW, all by myself. They haven't closed for the last few months, and usually when they do close it's a hectic mess that final day.

At 9:05 this morning I cleared the last error.

I did a happy dance, I received applause from the girls who have listened to me ranting for the last week. My bosses... absent.

Oh well. I'm taking a vacation day tomorrow. I think I deserve it. My plan was to spend a day lounging on the couch i my boxers watching movies. However, I need to buy and install a wall mounted safety gate, and my lawn needs attention. I'd gripe, but I pretty much spent he whole day today poking around on the internet.

So, happy weekend y'all. Here's a little something for your amusement:

Considered for dismissal

One of my favorite tasks at work has nothing to do with my actual job description or position. It's a little duty I inherited from the last man to hold my title, and he dragged it with him for years until he got a well deserved cushy job.

Submitting parking tickets for dismissal.

It's a real treat. I get a charge out of reading the clinician's excuses. I get a totally inappropriate amount of glee (Glee, mind you! Real glee!) out of handing back the appeals that were denied. I make a point to hand deliver those.

Incidentally, I happened to actually read the Official Government Liaison Affidavit I sign and hand in every month with the tickets. It appears, unbeknownst to be until just now, that I hold an official government title. I am my company's "Official Liaison with the Office of the Parking Clerk for the City of Boston."

Cool. I'm recognized by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts as an Official Liaison. My first step on the path to galactic domination, no doubt.

At any rate, I was kindly enough to take the appeals home with me this weekend so I can mail them out on Monday. The written, or essay, portion of the appeal is a real treat. For your dubious pleasure, in my official capacity, I share:

" I was visiting a patient who lived on Commonwealth Ave. I parked on Newbury St. Prior to leaving my car I double checked signs and the one sign I saw was 'No parking in snow emergency' and 'No parking on Tuesdays between 2&7.' I would appreciate if this parking ticket could be considered for dismissal."
-Cited for parking in a loading zone


"I was visiting a patient and because of complications it took more than 2 hours to visit. It was 10:18am not PM."
-Time of violation 1:10PM

"I went to see patient who needed immediate service. I parked where there was a meter. When I came back I had a ticket. The street cleaning sign was twisted."
-It wasn't twisted when she parked there?

"While during the performance of my duties, I was doing a home visit to do a dressing changed that require being done at the same time each day. Due to the urgent nature of my visit I was forced to park where I did after driving around for 20 minutes looking for a spot so I could deliver nursing care to the patient."
-Read that first sentence three times fast. I dare you.

"I was ordered by MD to see a patient s/p laminectomy w/ increased pain. No other parking available in the area."
-Confuse the clerk with jargon. I'm impressed.

"I had parked to do a mandatory patient visit, deposited $.50 into the meter. Upon my return, I found I had been ticketed. I had prominently displayed my {name withheld} sign in the dashboard."
-The sign was in the glove box?

"I work for the {name withheld} as a physical therapist. It was of utmost importance that on 6/22/07 I visit my patient. There was an emergency situation that could have caused a fall for an elderly patient, and/or potential for injury. Please excuse it was an emergency."
-Cited for blocking a handicap ramp. Note the irony.

"Urgent Occupational Therapy visit per MD order to address safety in patient's home after recent return home from hospital. No visitor parking available."
-Note: She was ticketed at 11:53PM

Turning out TV

They sure fed us some strange shit, eh?

For all my niggas & bitches

Oh, a few hundred years ago a bunch of drunken blue bloods left the bars, gathered arms and told the King to go fuck himself.

Tonight, I'll pour a forty of Sam Adams on the curb in honor of y'all. If only one of you was around today to see the crazy shit we gave ourselves with your new found freedom.

Tonight, for the first time, KG and I are hanging out in our new place, creating a vibe and relaxing. Music is on, the beer is flowing, the babes sleeping. Life is good.

So, I wish those special few who have wandered into my life a very happy fourth. Let loose, enjoy, be safe. And tell you neighbors it's finally OK to blow their damn fingers off.

Artfully Chilling

Now that I have myself a rec room, I figured it was high time to acquire a mini fridge to keep my beer cold and handy. After several weeks of trolling craigslist I finally came across one I liked. 4.3 cubic feet of chilly storage, and it's a functioning piece of art!

-Fridge, Acrylic on refrigerator 2001

Thank you, Andrea. I'll be making good use of this tonight.

TK-8103 on Weymouth After Dark

At long last, excerpts from TK-8103's legendary appearance on Weymouth Community cable.

Speaking of Hulk cock

That line came out in a lunchtime conversation today at work. I could be wrong, but I'm fairly certain that today was the first time in the history of civilization that that particular sentence was uttered.

Shock and Awe?

I got nothing.

Evaluate me!

It was five months late this year, but I finally got my annual eval at work. MC uses some sort of software program for her professional ecvals, and it always cracks me up to read it.

So, for both your reading pleasure and for the simple fact that I love to blow my own horn, here are some excerpts:

Verbal Communication: Outstanding

Chris is very articulate and persuasive, choosing the best style to suit his audience. He has presented at meetings, both clinical and clerical. When listening, he comprehends quickly, pays close attention and probes for clarification and additional information if needed. He is poised before groups, a skilled facilitator, and contributes significantly to the effectiveness of meetings. Chris also uses humor to deliver his message and provides some education along the way!

Written Communication: Exceeds

Chris continues to send written materials that communicate what is needed or "heads up" info. His communication is usually good and effective. Again, he specifically lists all actions that need to be taken to resolve an issue. Chris expertly edits his work for a clean product. Based on feedback from the receivers of Chris' messages, he needs to adjust his writing style to fit the audience he is addressing. Chris needs to balance the delivery of his written communications and how it will be received for total effectiveness.

There's three more pages of that bullshit, but I've grown bored with typing it out. The bit about adjusting my writing style really cracks me up. Some shithead took offense because I suggested something needed to be done as soon as possible. God forbid.

At any rate, I'm great.

Royale with Cheese

I'm a sucker for packaging. I'll admit it.

The other day KG and I were picking up a few odds and ends at Wal*Mart when I noticed an odd looking bag of Doritos. It was black, and labeled simply X13D. A mystery flavor. So, of course I bought it.

Well, let me tell you. The good folks at Frito Lay better keep this one on the market. Damn things taste just like a McDonald's cheeseburger. Cheese, beef, ketchup and mustard. It was good.

Every now and then I get me a hankering for a cheeseburger from McD's, and I always regret it later when I get the McHangover. Not any more. These chips scratch that itch.

I won't allow myself hope just yet, lest they go the way of Pitch Black.

I have arrived

I own a fucking lawn mower! 190cc 6.50 ft-lbs gross torque.

Huh? At any rate, it cuts grass.

Happy 30th, Star Wars

TTFN

Tomorrow our cable gets disconnected here at casa de shit, so I'm signing off for a bit. The good folks at Comcast will be at the house tomorrow to connect us there, but it'll be a bit before I reassemble the computer and have time to blog.

So, y'all be good until then.

A Day Long Remembered

30 years ago a man took his four year old son to the theater to see a new movie called Star Wars.

It would not make a significant impression on that child's young mind. That child would not grow to be a man and in turn pass on an obsession. I swear.
























May the Force be with you. Always

Your Score: True Neutral

60% Good, 46% Chaotic

Plane of Existence: The Outlands, "Plane of Concordant Opposition". Description: The plane between all other outer planes.




Examples of True Neutrals (Ethically Neutral, Morally Neutral)




Red XIII, "Nanaki" (FFVII)

Vincent Valentine (FFVII)

Cid Highwind (FFVII)

Mr. Spock

Linus Torvalds

Dr. Strangelove

Scott Evil

Batman

The Punisher

Switzerland

Canada




Not actively for or against anything. Has his or her own reasons for doing everything. Usually difficult to understand.




Will keep their word if in their best interest

May attack an unarmed foe

May use poison

May help those in need

May work with others

Indifferent to higher authority

Indifferent to organizations



True Neutral "Pure Neutral"

"Balancer"



Some neutral [people] commit themselves philosophically to neutrality. They are of the true neutral alignment as described in Advanced Dungeons & Dragons.



A true neutral [person] sees good, evil, law, and chaos as prejudices and dangerous extremes. He advocates the middle way of neutrality as the best, most balanced road in the long run.



Some true neutral [people] actively support balance in the world, and seek to avoid having any one side, law or chaos, good or evil, become too powerful over them or anyone else, and will work against whichever side is the most powerful. They tend to side with the underdog in any situation, and are often opportunistic in their actions.



True neutral is committed to the avoidance of extremes, and is non-judgemental.


Other Alignments and Tendencies (Tendenices are what you would more often sway towards; esp. for Neutrals):

0-39% Good, 0-39% Chaotic:Lawful-Evil

0-39% Good, 40-60% Chaotic: Neutral-Evil

0-39% Good, 61-100% Chaotic: Chaotic-Evil

40-60% Good, 0-39% Chaotic: Lawful-Neutral

40-60% Good, 61-100% Chaotic: Chaotic-Neutral

61-100% Good, 0-39% Chaotic: Lawful-Good

61-100% Good, 40-60% Chaotic: Neutral-Good

61-100% Good, 61-100% Chaotic: Chaotic-Good

Link: The Alignment Test written by xan81 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Exile on Bradlee Street

Lucky me. I get the spend the next two weeks working out of our Hyde Park office. Sure, it's closer to home. However, the commute is about the same due to the convoluted route I drive. The office is old, creeky, and full of vermin. The clinicians are so fucking needy I'm supposed to let the receptionist know when I get in so she can make an overhead announcement. Yesterday I was asked to work 7-3 instead of my usual 8-4.

That's not happening.

When my sentence is up, I'm off for two weeks. Vacation? No. Moving, unpacking, doing yard work? Yes.

Top all that off with the case of the shits I got from drinking Coors Light, and you can probably guess the color of my mood ring these days.

Tom rocks

Sweet Jesus, my entire body aches. I feel like I've been through the wringer.

Spent all day Saturday clearing out the backyard and running a chipper. The chipper was something else. Talk about turning a mountain into a molehill. When we were done, the overwhelming piles of dead trees and branches had been reduced to a pile of pulp.

TW showed up and busted his ass. He hauled all the firewood up the hill and stacked it, helped me with the chipper and climbed a ladder to cut limbs away from the power lines.

We drank a few Silver Bullets, had a smoke, and talked for a while afterward. All in all, it was back breaking, dirty work. But it was good. As TW nicely summed it up, sometimes you need a break from stressing and thinking. It's good to just get your hands dirty and sweat that shit out of your system.

So long, my little friend...

ROI

So, I suppose I'm a tad overdue for a recap of my exciting weekend in Missouri.

It was what it was. The McKesson conference was a bit disappointing. I was hoping for more useful information on the functionality of 10.0. It seemed instead that most of the seminars were geared toward people who haven't made the leap yet. So nice to know we're on the vanguard.

It was interesting and informative to talk to other users. Most agencies are smaller than ours. I met a few people who worked for agencies with no IS department (?!?!).

What I did get out of my weekend in Springfield was the green apple splatters. I, that is to say we, did a lot of drinking. The nice part was I got to spend some time with senior management getting drunk, and I never paid for a single beer. All in all, I'd call that good.

I took the day off from work today to sort of oversee the contractor who is hooking our house up to the sewer. Nice guy. He's going to use his monster backhoe to cut me a path through the overgrown part of the yard.

I have a huge yard. Seriously. With some hard work, it'll be beautiful.

Anyway, I spent half the day pulling vines off the house and doing some clearing of my own. Took some measurements, puttered around my house. My house. I like the sound of that.

My good buddies at work gave KG and I a $100 gift card to Home Despot. I spent half of it this morning. Got myself a rake, some hedge clippers, lawn bags, and a big, mother fucking axe. I can't tell you how psyched I am to own a honkin axe.

This weekend is going to be spent performing some intense yard work. I'm kind of looking forward to it. The place will look a lot better with a little effort.

HHNUC

I'm sitting in my hotel room in lovely Springfield, MO. Recovering from a very full and very boring day. One seminar after another, all barely touching on things that matter to me.

This after a night of very heavy drinking. With people from work. Most of them directors or senior managers.

We're going out again shortly. First stop, Bass Pro Shop. Sort of the LL Bean of the Mid-West. I'm going to buy a cowboy hat. Then dinner, more drinking I'm sure.

I've heard some horrible stories. Stories too wicked and stomach turning to post here. Things that I should never repeat, let alone even think about ever again.

Hehehe.

The definition of friggin insane

One of these days

It's been a long, tiring week. I'd normally be looking forward to it ending, but that's not the case this time around.

I have the day off tomorrow as KG and I are closing on the house. We have to get the kids to daycare, go to the bank for an assload of bank checks, do our final walk through, then drive down to Plymouth to close.

Saturday morning at 5:15AM my boss picks me up so we can drive to TF Green and then fly to Springfield, MO for 4 days.

I get back Tuesday, back to work the next day and then the crunch for closing starts again.

Woo freaking hoo

Elvis Presley and America

I had one of those moments today. The kind where a random song strikes a chord deep within your soul, awakening some old, dusty emotion.

Happenstance of an iPod shuffle brings to mind a girl I once loved. My first, and to date longest, love. High school sweethearts growing up together, growing apart together.

Things ended badly between us, and I spend my days rarely thinking about her. Even rarer are the moments I reflect on the actual love we shared, and the various emotions she stirred in me when things were new and healthy.

And suddenly, here in my ears was a song that remind me so much of her. I've never understood the lyrics, and I always preferred it that way. Somehow not understanding the words allowed a more intimate and emotional message to be conveyed.

On this radiant and warm spring day I allowed memory to wash over me. A tired smile played upon my lips, and I became wistful.

Heather, I hope you are well. I hope you are happy. I know I am. I may have been a wreck the last time you cared to know me, but I have changed much since then. In some ways, I have changed not at all.

Be that as it may, you helped to shape me. You were fundamental in making me the man I am today. I give thanks to you for that, and for the good times we had, the friends we shared. I will cherish those days always. As for the rest, I will retain the lessons I learned.

You know
Like no one told you how
But you know
Though the king that howls has howled
But you feel like sentimental
But you don't care
If I just share it in your heart

Idiots are funny

Flaming D'oh!

Random bits

The upstairs neighbors, whom I despise, took a walk through of our apartment yesterday. Seems they might be moving down here when we move out.

I'm sorely tempted to leave some unpleasant surprises for them. The only thing stopping me, sadly enough, is that the dick upstairs is a roofer, and I can probably get a decent price out of him to at least fix the leak in our new roof.

The whole family ventured out today for some shopping ahead of the deadly storm headed our way. I ended up with a 250GB external hard drive, my very own "Easy" button, and a $2 thermal undershirt. What fun we have.

Oh, I also got a fairly nasty cut on my right ring finger. We had a cheap plastic Chinese kid's chair. My mother in law sat on it this weekend and discovered it wasn't designed to hold a full sized adult. The damn thing shattered, and let me tell you, those pieces were razor sharp. I took it out to the trash, broke a piece off in my hands, and didn't notice the gash in my finger until i went to light a smoke and saw my hand was covered in blood.

Needless to say, we won't be replacing that.

Tomorrow is back to work. My cube mate is off for the week, so it's going to be another overwhelmingly, painful, soul sucking week.

Woohoo.

TPS Reports

Fuck work.

Fuck Harvard Freedom and all those cock sucking sales reps who went out and coersed old people into dropping their Medicare coverage and signing up with H Freedom.

None of those old folks informed us, and now 4 months later Medicare starts denying payments. I can't even begin to go into the nightmarish amount of work this is causing me.

Fuck MC. I should be glad you're broken ass is back, but I'm not. Since you've offered to assist me with closing, how about being a real pal and get off my fucking back.

Fuck the Earth for this shitty weather. It's snowing out, and it's friggin April.

Fuck all stupid, small minded, lazy ass co-workers. You people get paid to do a job. Stop bitching and just do it.

That's all I got.

Happy Easter y'all

Even my iPod hates me today

It's been a trying week. 11 hour day at work on Saturday, another 3 hours at work late Sunday night. Monday finds no relief... I have tons of paperwork to data enter as well as a massive error report to resolve. Couple that with needy clinicians freaked out over the updates and an instead boss who is wired way too tight and I'm ready to assplode.

This morning it was cold and rainy. More like November than April.

So, I'm driving to work, listening to my iPod. On shuffle. I have 1,029 songs on there. For some damn reason, every single song it picked for my ride in was a depression dirge or a discordant tune. I even started skipping songs, only to have the next one be equally down.
I gave up and dealt with it.

Now anyone who knows me can attest to my penchant for dark, discordant music. Or as KG affectionately refers to it, my "difficult" music. However, the thing I like about my iPod is he eclectic mix I've put on there. There's music straight across the spectrum, and usually a sinister Residents tune will be followed by some jaunty Moog. A brooding Nick Cave song chased by Dr. Dre dissing niggahs and hos.

But today, no change in mood. Nothing but darkness. And damn if the same thing didn't happen on the way home. I finally shut it off and tuned into NPR when Hank Williams came on, singing "I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry."

HHC V10.1

Stupid ref update.

At least we had good music.

WTF?

AKA: A Little Homophobia Never Hurt Anyone:

Corey Andrew had his profile and resume posted at Careerbuilder.com, and it caught the eye of Army recruiter Marcia Ramode, who contacted him. He wasn't interested in a position in the military, particularly because of the ban on gays and lesbians in the military.

When Andrew informed Ramode that he is gay, and believed that the DADT policy was wrong, the two engaged in a three-day email exchange that included statements by Ramode, in her official capacity as a recruiter, that boggle the mind. (Jersey Journal):

"GO BACK TO AFRICA AND DO YOUR GAY VOODOO LIMBO TANGO AND WANGO DANCE AND JUMP AROUND AND PRANCE AND RUN ALL OVER THE PLACE HALF NAKED THERE."
– U.S. Army recruiter Sgt. Marcia Ramode, using her military email address to respond to Jersey City resident Corey Andrew, after Ramode learned Andrew was gay.

You can check out the whole article here.

As disgusting and reprehensible as I find this, I must say there is little in life I enjoy as much as watching an asshole go to great lengths proving just how bug an asshole he or she is.

Good job, Marcia. You are one giant rectum.

May the Force be with you. In moderation

Hahaha

This made me laugh, so I thought I'd share:

Holy dingle berries!

We just bought a house!

Of course, we still have a ways to go before this is all set in stone. Home inspection, etc. But, our offer has been accepted. Looks like we'll become homeowners in May.

Now with less spoilers!

My apologies to anyone out there who hadn't managed to get around to watching the most important episode of BSG ever before reading my last post. I'm an obsessive fan, so I presumed everyone else had watched it already.

What can I say, I just really, really miss Starbuck. She's hot.

So, in other news: Coming this May to a post office near you


Sweet, eh?

Oh, and KG and I put in an offer on a house in Abington. Life goes on hold until we find out how that goes.

That is all.

RIP Kara Thrace

Oh, Starbuck.

All I'm saying is you guys better wow the pants off me this season to make up for that!

It's been a while...

Things have been crazy busy over at casa de TK. KG and I are back on the house market. We fell in love with this insanely beautiful Victorian. The good news: priced at 60K below assessed. Bad news: it's located right in the anus of Brockton. Just about the worst part of town.

So, the search continues. We're looking into slightly better towns this weekends in hopes of finding something we can afford in a neighborhood that won't turn our kids into Glock toting whiggers.

Work, where I usually take the time to blog, has been nuts. My boss is out with a broken ass (technically a L1 fracture, which is not the ass, but L1 is nowhere near as fun to say as "broken ass"). She's been out going on 12 weeks. ML is acting instead, and her counterpart in SW is going to shit out a baby any day. So we're down from 4 people doing my job to 2. Not fun. I haven't farked in almost a week! Worse yet, I'm splitting my days between offices, which means I only get to hang with the posse 2 days a week.

Add to that the training for 10.1, closing and various clinician blunders and Medicare fuck ups and I'm busy, busy, busy.

Sigh. I need a beer.

Craptacular!

Oh. My. God.

Someone please tell me this guy is not for real.

Something from a more innocent time...

It's been a while...

Well, let's see.

Since I last posted I have:

Turned another year older.

Still failed to quit smoking.

Started looking for a house again.

That's all.

Ahh, another meme, complments of Mycalls:
Four things you may not have known about me! (but probably do if you're a regular reader of this blog)

A) Four jobs I have had in my life:

1. House keeper

2. Funeral Director

3. Gas Station Attendant

4. Video Store Clerk

B) Four movies I would watch over and over:

1. Office Space

2. Star Wars

3. Dawn of the Dead

4. Airplane!

C) Four books I have loved:

1. Cat's Cradle- Kurt Vonnegut Jr

2. World War Z- Max Brooks

3. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay- Michael Chabon

4. And The Ass Saw the Angel- Nick Cave

D) Four places I have lived:

1. Ridgefield, CT

2. Weymouth, MA

3. Quincy, MA

4. Somerville, MA

E) Four TV shows I love:

1. Battlestar Galactica

2. Lost

3. The Office

4. Sesame Street

This last one's thanks to TKJr... he brings out the kid in me.

F) Four places I have been on vacation:

1. San Francisco

2. Las Vegas

3. York, Maine

4. Cleveland, OH

G) Four of my favorite foods are:

1. KG's homemade pizza. I force myself to save enough for lunch the next day.

2. KG's minestrone soup. More curative powers than chicken soup.

3. Tapioca pudding.

4. KG's Thanksgiving dinner. I married her for a reason.

H) Four places I would rather be right now:

1. Anywhere warm. I'm tired of feeling like Hedwig everytime I go out for a smoke.

2. Asleep.

3. In my own house.

4. I hear Amsterdam is fun.

I) Four friends I think will respond first:

1. Molius may, if the mood strikes him.

2. I'm cross posting, so perhaps a JSer or two?

3. Names? Names? Names?

4. Anyone else want to surprise me?

Oh, the stupidity

At this point, I'm sure most people around the country have heard about the momentary insanity that gripped Boston yesterday.

I must say, I really enjoy a situation such as this that leaves everyone on all sides looking like assclowns.

Thankfully, I wasn't stuck in any of the traffic jams that resulted from road closures. I did, however, have to spend a good portion of my day monitoring events and communicating with management so we could keep our field staff aware of where they could and couldn't drive. A huge pain in the ass.

Stupid. That's all I got. Stupid marketing gimmick, stupid execution, stupid and overblown response. And, the award for biggest asshats of all goes to the media, especially FOX. You guys really are a bunch of numbnuts.